


Anathema

by surroundedxhounded



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Assassins & Hitmen, Crimes & Criminals, Death, Drugs, Fluff, Gore, Guns, M/M, Rape, Self-Harm, joshler - Freeform, joshua dun - Freeform, mafia, tw, twenty one pilots - Freeform, tyler joseph - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-06-09 16:11:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 34,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19479433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/surroundedxhounded/pseuds/surroundedxhounded
Summary: Josh is technically a hitman. Tyler is technically a hitman's roommate.Completed July 23rd.Epilogue: August 14





	1. Skull

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You will never know what’s behind my skull

Tyler, sat on the living room couch, has been plastered to the TV for the past 16 hours. Controller in hand, Coca-Cola on the coffee table. Every time Josh had come downstairs, Tyler was in the same position. Their living situation was... peculiar. They were in-between roommates. They'd been rooming together for about a year since Tyler transferred to Josh's university, but it was the summer now and their former roommates had moved out to live elsewhere or because they had graduated. Tyler and Josh fit well together, they got along and respected each other's space. They renewed their leases for another year, hoping that whoever new came to live with them wouldn't mind their thundering jam sessions that took place every once in a while.  
They'd been on their own for a few weeks now; with it quiet and them both gone to work at different times throughout the day, they haven't seen each other much. Josh has two jobs; one at a coffee shop and the other at a local music store. Tyler works as a receptionist full-time at a law firm a city over. The weekend's Tyler has to himself. Today, he's spending it playing the new Spider-man game. He hasn't noticed Josh come down four times, open the front door four times. But when Tyler woke up at 6 in the morning, his internal clock to get ready for work despite his alarm being off, Josh was still awake. The hall light was on and there seemed to be a cloud of smoke hanging over the top of the stairs. When Josh came down to get his morning (afternoon) coffee, Tyler was on the couch. Josh had worked an entire shift after that, and when he came home, Tyler's eyes were glazed over as if he were hypnotized.

Tyler and Josh weren't the best of friends, and it was probably in Tyler's best interest. Josh knows Tyler isn't one to get himself mixed up in things. Whenever Josh had a party with his friends, Tyler would hole himself up in his room. He avoided conflict and liked to stay in his lane. Although deviant from a stereotypical college kid, Josh respected it and didn't question it. 

Josh stood over Tyler on the couch, waiting to see if he'd notice him. He never took his eyes off the TV. Finally, Josh huffed and waved his hand in front of his face. Tyler flinched.

"Dude you've been in the same position since I left for work." Tyler blinked a few times and slowly rose his head.

"When did you work?"

Josh chuckled silently and turned on the lamp.

"You're gonna go blind. Have some light. Or just go to bed." Tyler looked at the windows and sighed. It was dark and he hadn't even noticed. 

"Man, you gotta play this game when I'm finished. It's so good." He saved the game, then turned off the TV.

"I'm good, I like being able to see and think clearly." Josh turned to go upstairs, but was interrupted.

"What are you doing tomorrow? There's a small show down at the square that I think would be fun to get out of the house." Tyler rubbed the back of his head, anticipating a response. He was hoping Josh would say no so that he wouldn't have to leave his room; he just didn't want Josh to think he was a weirdo.

"I uh... I've actually got plans tomorrow, and I work in the evening..." He gripped the handrail, eyes looking off to the side. He felt bad, he wanted to help Tyler leave the confines of his bed, but Tyler wouldn't be able to go with him even if he tried.

"Okay, that's cool." Tyler got up and walked towards his room, and the conversation was over.

Josh retreated upstairs to his bedroom. The upstairs reeked of weed, and he didn't notice until he had gotten back from work. Hopefully Tyler didn't come up here for any reason, he was flying pretty straight and hadn't really experimented with drugs to Josh's knowledge. 

Josh's phone buzzed in his pocket as he started to sit down at his desk, grabbing out his secret box to roll a joint.

 _new job for you._ it read from an unknown number. He sighed as he waited for another text telling him a location and time. It buzzed again. He took a quick glance, but lighting the paper was his first priority. The weed burned his throat, his lungs inflating and staying still. He put the joint between his index and middle, finally deciding to check his phone again exhaling smoke. _two am, rooftop on fourth and seventh._ Throwing his phone on his desk, he leaned back and let the drug fog his mind. A few more hits and he was high. He could take a nap, wake up in a few hours and be ready to go. He wasn't sure what the job was, but they ranged in bad sins to far worse sins. _tools will be waiting._ another buzz. It was one of the far worse sins. Josh finished his joint, setting in the ashtray and retreating to his bed. He set his alarm for one a.m., and off he was to sleep.

***

His alarm buzzed in his ear, the monotone ringing alerting him awake and immediately turned over to turn it off. Sitting awake, staring at the ceiling, Josh said a silent prayer to forgive him of his sins in advanced. He got up, spine cracking as his feet touched the floor. Typing the address into his phone, he put his shoes on and out the door he went. He had a bit of a drive to the outskirts of the city. He had a cigarette behind his ear and a gun in his glovebox. The streets were empty, city quiet, few streetlights passing his car overhead as he made it to the location. He parked a block away, out of sight of any cameras. He ran silently along the alleyways connected the buildings. The fire escape on the side had to be his way up. He rubbed his hands together to warm them, even though they were confined within gloves. The night air was cool and crisp, it was fresh in his lungs despite the smog that clung to his skin. Up he went, climbing the ladder. His black clothing choice made him blend into the sky, which was easier for him to get the job done. Then he'd have $13,000 wired to his account. 

See, what Tyler didn't know, is he didn't have a shift earlier today. He quit both of his jobs when he started meeting the right people about a year ago. It was a bad crowd, but it paid the bills better than any coffee shop could. It started small, like drug deals and mugging strangers. Josh's footsteps were quieter, he was agile, and proved to be loyal. His new friends introduced them to their boss, a guy named Evan. Evan liked Josh. He thought he would fit in well with his other assailants. Although given a rigorous training 'course', he proved worthy and was a better shot than some of the guys on the team that had been there for years. Josh knew this was wrong; the need to fill the capitalistic standards of America shone brighter than the standards of good morals. He obliged, not happily, and was given an assignment the following night. They never got caught, the police never had any leads, and their locations changed once a month. They were careful, they were quick, they were painless.

As he reached the top of the fire escape, a good six stories high, he found a sniper rifle with a silencer waiting for him behind an AC unit. Next to these items was a burner phone. He was a few minutes early, so he reached for the burner phone and fumbled with it in the palm of his hand while all he could do was wait. It rang at exactly two am.

"North side. He'll be walking up." The voice from his associate was distorted. It always was. He raised the bandana to his nose, covering his mouth. Steam filled within, and he made his way to the North side of the building. He set the gun up, cocking it and waiting. His breath was still. The street below was empty, but the buildings were most likely occupied and even though a silencer is good at muffling the sound of a normal gunshot, it didn't get rid of completely. It most likely sounded like a party popper. It was still suspicious. His associate was good at tapping into alarm systems, computers, security cameras. He hadn't met the guy, know his name, but he knew he was good at what he did. He was always on his side, had his back, and texted the number on whatever burner phone was left for him when it was safe to go or he needed to escape.

He saw a shadowy figure walk from one sidewalk and start to cross the street. Must be his guy.

"That's him." the voice rang in his ear. He hitched his breath, steadying his shot, following centimeters before his target. He reached for the trigger. He pulled.

The kickback stunned him, and his associate hung up. The man on the street's head was splattered along the street. He got a notification from his boss that the money was sent. He apologized to the man, who he knew nothing about, but it was time to go. One of his other teammates were always following close behind to take care of the tools. They weren't Josh's for the taking. They always melted the bullets when they were done with a job, he knew that much, so that when the forensics team investigated, they hit a dead end. Josh fanned the area his chest rested against the cement barricade with a handheld folding fan that he took with him on jobs. Tyler gave it to him when they went to the beach once, thinking it would be useful. It was, now. This was to make sure when they checked the blood spatter, they'd check the rooftop for particles or lint or fingerprints. They wouldn't find any.

Josh's heart was racing as he slipped down the fire escape with ease. His teammate passed him as he went to retrieve the gear, they high-fived, and Josh headed to go home.

$13,000 was wired to his bank account.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of your comments are so nice thank u 🥺


	2. Hair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You will never know what's under my hair

Josh unlocked the front door and stepped inside, a single swift move, careful to not wake Tyler, as his room was the unfortunate one on the bottom floor. It was nearing four a.m., Josh wasn't tired, and the house was silent. Josh heard soft snores coming from within Tyler's walls. He smiled to himself, closing the door gently behind him. He went to the fridge and grabbed a Coke, waiting until he was upstairs to open it. With their previous roommates, they didn't care whether Tyler was asleep or not. They were loud and were always up all hours of the night in the living room playing video games, screaming at the top of their lungs. Josh constantly tried to tell them to keep it down, and he could tell his unlucky friend was more than grateful when they had the house to themselves. Josh at least respected his sleep schedule, unlike them, and tried his best to keep quiet when he came home from an overnight job. 

He retreated to his bedroom where he shut his door, opened his drink, and plopped down at his desk. He was starting to roll another joint when his phone buzzed. He never had two jobs in one night, nor did he want to, and it couldn't have been any of his buddies. He pulled it out of his pocket only to have the screen burn his retinas. 

_you absolute fucking idiot._ Josh's heart started pounding in his ears. If he left anything at the scene, it wouldn't be his fault. It would be his associate's fault. He wasn't the one designated for cleanup, he helped the dumbass anyway by fanning away any particles.  
 _What...?_   
_someone saw you._  
Josh's hands froze in fear. No fucking way. His breath grew rapid and sweat started to form at his hairline. He'd never been so petrified in his life. His thumbs started moving at the speed of light, trying to calm his anxiety and learn everything he can about what he did wrong.  
 _How is that possible? Hacker guy sees everything, he told me it was safe._  
 _'hacker guy', we call him the skeleton, first off. second, when you got back into your car, another car drove by. How do you know they didn't witness the whole thing?_ Josh was taken aback. He hadn't noticed anyone else on the streets. He knew to keep his head low, how to be in and out in a split second. He was quicker than anyone else Evan had sifted through. He was fitter, quieter, more so that he should be in the fucking FBI. He sat in silence, running the night through his mind. He remembered everything, every detail. The way the streetlights gleamed off the blood spattered on the street, the way he put on his bandana, the way he aimed the gun. He couldn't think of anything, anyone, whatever was skewed must've been after he left.  
 _What happens now?_ He waited a response in agony. His heart felt ripped from his chest, leg bouncing out of anxiety. His palms were sweaty.  
 _I'll gather the footage in the morning and go over it with the skeleton. In the meantime, hide your car elsewhere and then don't leave your house._  
Josh tossed his phone across the room and onto his bed. He stood up, blood rushing to his head. He took a step forward, a step backward, until he was pacing rather fruitfully across the diameter of his bedroom. Nails met his mouth, a bad habit he thought he crushed until he was really nervous. He was shaking now. With trembling hands, he continued rolling the joint, lighting it, and putting it between his lips. It wasn't working fast enough. All he could do was wait, and it agitated him.

***

Tyler woke at one a.m. to hear a muffled alarm beeping rapidly. He cursed the Gods for giving him an anti-superhero power, being a light sleeper. He groaned and rolled over. Josh was really good about being careful when Tyler was sleeping. He cared unlike his former roommates. Why was his alarm going off this loud, this early? He sat up, knowing he'd be unable to slip back into the peaceful dreamland he once contained. He heard pattering footsteps coming from Josh's room. Tyler wasn't one to be nosy, but he woke up at least once a week because of an abnormally early or late alarm going off. He felt determined to know tonight what Josh was always up to. He slipped on a pair of shoes and grabbed his car keys silently, hoping not to alert the man that was just walking downstairs. The back door open softly, and closed even softer. Tyler threw open his door, staying low to the ground, and headed to his car. He peeked his head out, hearing Josh's engine grow further in distance. He turned over his own engine, and managed to keep a pretty steady follow behind his roommate. Not close enough, but not too far so that he could notice he was being followed.

After 40 minutes of highway time, Josh finally exited and pulled onto a street that was dead. He parked. Tyler kept driving, making sure the headlights were off, and pulled around to a block over from where Josh was. He got out, making sure his car door didn't slam, and ran to Josh's car that he no longer occupied. He noticed his roommate running low to the ground, quick and quiet. He followed loosely behind, able to make his figure out in the dead of the night. Tyler hid behind a corner as he heard clanging of metal. He dipped his head around to see Josh climbing a fire escape. What the fuck?

He went around behind the building he was hidden by to peek around the other side near the sidewalk so he could see what Josh was actually doing. He only saw the top of his head scurrying around until he came closer into view, closer to the edge of the roof. Was he... Was he setting up a... No. That wasn't Josh. Josh was kindhearted, he was sweet, he was caring. Although he had a bandana on that covered his mouth, he knew those eyes from a mile away. He wouldn't be-

A man rounded the corner on the other side of the street, coming into view under the streetlight. Josh had a sniper. There was a man. There was a man and a sniper aimed at him. Tyler almost wanted to jump out and tell the man to turn around, to run away, but Tyler was frozen in fear. His breath was hitched, unable to gather the words or the thoughts or the gall to do anything. His eyes bounced from the man, to the sniper, Josh, the man. Before Josh could pull the trigger, Tyler was running. He ran back to his car, faster than he ever had in his life, and heard the sound of a muffled gunshot. If he had only heard it, and not seen the man with the gun, he wouldn't have thought it was a gunshot. Maybe a car backfiring, maybe a small firecracker. The streets were quiet enough for the sound to ring in his eardrums. Maybe it was his adrenaline. He fumbled with his keys as he turned over the engine, taking the road behind the buildings where he just witnessed his roommate _kill a man _. A whole man. A whole person, someone with a life; with a wife or a husband or kids or a job or a family or pets. Someone who would never wake up. He didn't think Josh was capable. His mind was racing as fast as his car sped down the highway to go back home. He had to get back before Josh. He had to pass Tyler's room in order to get to his own room. He didn't close his door, and if Josh got home before him then he would know Tyler was suspicious, because what would he do at two in the morning?__

__Tyler's speed was a constant 90 miles per hour the whole ride, even on neighborhood roads and in his apartment complex. By the grace of God, no police officer pulled him over. He raced inside, sure that Josh wasn't close to being behind him. He closed his bedroom door, turned off the light, and laid still as could be in bed; minus the shaking his body expressed. He almost started to cry. He knew he wasn't nosy for a reason. Did he go to the police? Did he confront Josh? He wasn't even confrontational. Whenever he had to speak up, he coward like a puppy. His thoughts were interrupted by the front door unlocking. He started a fake snore, quiet enough so that it was muffled but loud enough for Josh to believe it. He heard him retreat upstairs, and once he heard footsteps coming from his room he quit the act. Not even five minutes later, he heard pacing._ _

__Tyler wondered if all of Josh's good morals were a mask, his kind front being a facade. Maybe he was leading Tyler on, leading him to believe he was a good guy so he could end up killing him too. He thought of how many people met Josh's bullets. He wondered if Josh knew them. He wondered if Josh was working alone or for someone else. If Josh was doing this for pure thrill, if he actually was enrolled in college or worked his jobs. Everything Tyler came to know about Josh was fake. He didn't know what to believe. He saw visions of blood splatter, dead bodies, brains spattered amuck. He wondered if Josh felt bad. Tyler felt queasy, running to his bathroom to up-bring the contents of his stomach. He sat in his bathtub, the cool linoleum bringing him back to reality. Reality. Josh was a killer. Possibly a serial killer. Even if he was someone like Dexter, who killed people who were criminals, even if he was ridding the streets of those who were graced by the American Justice System, he was still a killer._ _

__Josh was a murderer. Tyler lived with a murderer._ _


	3. Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You'll never know whats under my skin
> 
> tw// self-harm

Tyler stayed awake all night. The image of Josh on the rooftop with a fucking _sniper rifle_ had left gashes in his brain. He could do nothing but lay there motionless. If he moved, he felt he would vomit again. Josh had left at about 5:30 in the morning, the sound of the door opening and closing again. It wasn't so soft this time. In fact, it nearly shook the house. It jumped Tyler out of whatever trance he was in. He was shaking.

Josh was going to move his car like his associate told him to. He didn't know how he would get back home, so he slammed the door in hopes he would wake Tyler up with the possibility of him coming to pick him up from wherever he decided to park it. Maybe he should sell it. But if someone comes looking for the license plate, they would find it parked in someone else's driveway. The person he sold him to would, no pun intended, sell him out. Maybe he should total it. Then he would cause more harm for another driver. The police would be at the scene of the crash, take insurance, swap information, and he couldn't afford that. After driving around for an hour, he was almost at the Indiana border. This would probably be a good thing. He drove until he was in the other state, and drive south so he was off the interstate. It was starting to get light outside, it was a Sunday, and the Church crowd would be piling up soon. He had to get out of his car quick. He parked under a bridge off a beaten path in buttfuck nowhere Indiana, and decided to ring Tyler.

It rang until it got to voicemail. _Not a good time to not pick up, man._ He thought. He called three more times. Tyler wouldn't answer. He was probably playing Spiderman again. He walked to the nearest town square so he could order an Uber instead. He'd take a ride for 20 minutes, get out, try to call Tyler again. He took another ride after he didn't pick up. He tried again after he was let out on the side of the road near the location of his last job. He rang Tyler again. No answer. Josh was already peeved, but now he was fuming. That stupid fucking game. What if Josh was in real danger? Not that he couldn't handle himself, but Tyler didn't know about his secret and he was actually in need of help. His head was hot with rage and he wanted to punch a wall. Alas, there were people around him, walking to Church or going to breakfast. Although he could afford these Ubers, especially after last night, his roommate not answering or calling back after _24 missed calls_ , when he always answers, is pretty fucked up; but that was the most he'd been paid yet. He wondered about the guy, what he did to deserve to have his brain scattered among the road. He never tried to ask Evan who these people were. Maybe he would one of these days. Josh shook the thoughts away as he had the Uber app open again. He'd given up on trying to reach Tyler once and for all. 

He had his last driver drop him off down the block at another apartment complex. His eyes were heavy and he had had it with the world. Now he had to walk 10 minutes down the road just to throw his driver off his scent. As he walked, he decided to text Evan. _drink later?_ He was hoping to get information, maybe find out about who saw him and what he did wrong. If he chickened out, he'd ask about his victim. He did feel bad, he did feel guilty, but he learned to push down the pain a long time ago. He was taught that if he dwelled on it too much, he couldn't be raking in bags anymore and it would be detrimental to his own health. He couldn't leave this team either, or else they would have to kill him. He could run away, change his name, but he'd made too much of a life on his own out in Columbus. He was doing pretty okay in school, despite missing one too many classes because of overnight jobs. He was still human, he still wanted to graduate next Spring, still wanted to get a good job; and he had to sleep. Plus sometimes, he would be too depressed to leave his bed. The previous Fall semester had hurt him a lot. It was when he was recruited into the hitmen, he thought too much. He turned to self-harm, feeling like he was repaying his victims in a way. He carved lines into his skin every night, trying to feel something other than the pain in his heart and his chest that numbed him. He felt the blood that dripped from his arms and his wrists and his thighs and his ankles would make God forgive him. He wasn't even addicted to drugs, they temporarily helped him ease the pain, but it wasn't until he almost overdosed on heroin that he decided he should consult Evan about how to push these feelings away. Evan was a good man to talk to, despite being a crime leader, but he had useful information and he cared about Josh's health. 

Josh eventually kept a journal, he would write poems and talk about his feelings and would write down all the gory details about his victims so they weren't left swimming in his head. If he got caught, he wouldn't be able to plead his innocence if they found this notebook. 

He finally reached the front door, unlocking it, ready to drop. It was nearly 9 a.m. He'd been out for three and a half hours, just to ditch his car in Indiana and come back. He definitely wouldn't be waking up unless he got another job for tonight.


	4. Veins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You'll never know what's in my veins

After the first time his phone went off because of a call from Josh, he put his phone on Do Not Disturb. He wasn't asleep, he wasn't playing Spiderman. He simply was too paralyzed with fear to talk to him. After a couple of hours of fighting his eyelids, anticipating Josh's return, Tyler finally slipped into a rigid darkness. 

***

Tyler awoke to the sun shining through his window. It wasn't the brightness that scared him awake, but the door opening rather quickly and slamming shut. He pulled the blanket up to his eyes, keeping his gaze on his bedroom door. He stayed still, he stayed silent, and whimpered as he heard footsteps approaching. _please just go upstairs, go upstairs and don't knock._ Tyler prayed. He jumped and gasped as his bedroom door swung open with force.

"Man, what the fuck! I could've been dying!" Josh didn't think through what to say to Tyler, how to explain why he called him 24 times, why he was in Indiana. Tyler just laid there, frozen.

"I- I'm sorr-"

"I called you so many fucking times. I thought you were cool, dude!" Josh stood there, hands on his head. He was fuming. 

"I was aslee-"

"Bullshit."

Tyler pulled his phone from under his pillow, checking it for the first time since he silenced it. There were... indeed, 24 missed calls from his roommate.

"Oh."

Josh just nodded, waiting for the boy to explain himself.

"What happened?" Tyler's voice shook. He knew why he left in the first place, but the second time he was unsure. He didn't feel the confidence to confront Josh about what he was doing, so he wanted him to confess on his own time.

"I..." Josh tried to think as fast as he could. "I left to go to work. I was coming home because my manager let me leave early, I wasn't feeling great..." He trailed off and Tyler nodded for him to keep talking. "I got in a wreck, the tow truck took my car. I think it's totaled, so now I have to get a new one."

"Shit." Tyler knew Josh was lying. Whenever he did, he fiddled with his hair and looked to the left. _Are you high?_ _no..._ Looking to the left, fiddles with hair. _Is that a... dude... you brought home?_ _no..._ Looking to the left, fiddles with hair. "Is the other person okay?"

"Uh... I hit a tree, thought I was gonna vomit."

"Mhm." Tyler mumbled under his breath.

"Can you... Take me to the car dealership?"

"Can you afford that right now? Rent always comes faster than we think..." Tyler was sitting up now.

"Yeah I have some money put away. Plus I'm sure insurance will cover most of it." 

Josh was calmer now, the heat in his head cooling off. Tyler had gotten out of bed and put on pants. Josh just stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do with himself while his roommate got ready.

Josh was in the market for a Tesla or a nice Mustang. He had close to a million bucks in his secret bank account, but with Tyler unaware, and much to his knowledge, he couldn't afford it. Josh thought about confiding in his friend, just in case he were to get caught, but he knew the right thing to do would be to either let Tyler figure it out on his own or just never know unless the cops actually showed up at their house. To Tyler, Josh landed on a used Mercedes and haggled the price to about $20,000. With 'insurance' coverage (Josh made Tyler go outside and keep looking around while he made the deal) he paid $17,000. Josh, in reality, actually paid the full price, close to $30,000. It was still a nice car, it drove smoothly, and it had only 9,000 miles on it with a new set of wheels. 

Josh followed Tyler home in his new car. 

Once they got home, Josh went upstairs to take a shower and Tyler retreated back to bed. Tyler heard the back door open once again about an hour later. Josh was gone. Tyler took it upon himself to do some more investigating. He was intrigued in this little story Josh had made up and needed to know more. He had to be quick, he wasn't sure when Josh would be back. 

Tyler walked up the stairs, the stink of weed burning his nostrils, he thought he would get a second-hand high just from breathing in a couple of times. He opened Josh's door, and much to his surprise it was not locked. It was dark, clean, and there was a notebook left on his desk. Steam from the shower still hung in the air, the humidity sticking to his skin. He stood over the notebook. Tyler's heart was pounding. He stayed still for a moment, listening for the door to open downstairs, but the house was eerily quiet and his curiosity was killing him.

He reached his hand out, nearly shaking, and opened to the first page.

_October 3, 2018. Evan suggested I keep a journal. I can't hold it in anymore, I can't tell my roommates or my normal friends what I've been doing. It's lead me to cut myself, starve myself, nearly overdose on drugs I never thought of doing. So here goes. I've killed seven people since last month. I've gotten paid a total of $50,000. I don't know these people, but I can't back out. Evan likes me a lot, he trusts me. If I leave, they'll kill me. I feel... helpless. I feel guilty. I've thought about turning myself in, but I'm so scared. I'm lying to my friends, to my family. I quit my jobs nearly two weeks ago. I don't have to do hard labor anymore. I just... aim the gun and get paid. Someone else cleans up my gear. I shake in fear every night for fear of getting caught. I secretly hope I will, but Evan promises they have everything covered. He majored in Criminal Justice. I guess he knows how to do crime well._

Tyler couldn't stop reading. He was getting paid for these jobs. He worked for a guy named Evan. He was a serial killer. He flipped the pages, trying to see if he wrote anything about last night.

_July 7, 2019. I killed a man last night. I got paid the most I ever have for a job before. $13,000. This guy must be really important, or really bad. I'm trying to meet Evan tonight to talk about it. Anyway, it was a clean job, I was in and out within 10 minutes, at least. But 'the skeleton' texted me to tell me I fucked up, that someone drove off before I got into my car. He thinks there was a witness. That shit scared the hell out of me. No way did I notice anyone, especially sine he told me it would be safe. I'll learn more later today, he's going over the footage this morning. But he told me to leave my car somewhere else. I was sad to have to part ways with it, but if it means not getting caught, then I'll do it. I drove to Indiana and left it under an overpass in the middle of nowhere. I'm sure that bridge was abandoned. I had to call about 5 different Ubers though because Tyler didn't answer my calls. That was absolutely infuriating. I'm still pretty pissed about it, but at least I got home and I got a new car. I was hoping for a Tesla or something fancy, but Tyler was with me, didn't know, and I had to tell him I paid $17k for it. I paid $30k. Anyway, I'm beat out of my mind and gonna take my car for a spin and get some breakfast. Hopefully I'll have another job tonight to pay myself back for the car. Over and outtie._

Tyler _knew_ he was lying. Josh wrote about him though. So he knew he was following him, but didn't know it was him. Tyler felt a little relieved, but he didn't expect a much crazier story than he imagined. He heard the door open again and footsteps approaching the stairs. Tyler's heart stopped while he closed the notebook, ran as quietly as he could out of Josh's room and shut the door behind him. He opened the balcony door that's next to Josh's room, and waited for Josh to appear.

"We gotta clean the balcony, man." Tyler shut the door again. He held his breath as Josh agreed, passing him to go into his room. He held a bag of Taco Bell. At least Tyler knew he wasn't lying in his journal.


	5. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Won't you go to someone else's dreams?
> 
> Sorry I didn't update yesterday, I picked up a shift and I started an online class :-(

Tyler sat frozen, legs criss-crossed, on his bed. He was feeling surprisingly motivated, a sudden burst of energy lighting up his core. He was trying to think of ways to get Josh to confess. Their new roommates would be here in a month and Tyler and Josh would be the closest ones there. Although Josh didn't feel like it, Tyler wants to be closer to him. He's lonely, let's face it, and Josh is the only real friend he's had since moving here. Tyler already knows Josh's secret. What's the harm in getting him to know that he knows?

Tyler tried formulating a plan. Josh was going to go and talk to whoever this Evan guy is, and if he could figure out where, he could show up. No, that's dangerous. Evan was probably the crime boss. He's like the mafia. Maybe he can intercept him when he gets home from a job. God, maybe this wasn't going to be as easy as Tyler thought. Going up to him and asking with puppy dog eyes, _Are you in the mafia?_ was off the table.

He wasn't sure whether he should take a nap or not. Not only did he have work the next morning, but he slept for an hour last night. He fought his eyelids for the most part of the day but he didn't want to miss Josh just in case he came home from a job. _Fuck it._

**

Evan had texted Josh back, nearly four hours later. They would meet at a hole-in-the-wall bar a few minutes from their apartment soon. Josh wasn't looking to get super wasted, but the thought of a beer made his mouth water. Josh got ready, making sure he was calm enough to discuss his thoughts in public.

Once at the bar, he made his way to the back where he saw a blond long-haired man sitting in the back corner. There were about 3 people here. Perks of knowing a good bar that no one else knew was there, and also the fact that it wasn't even 5. He sat at the booth across from the man where a Dos Equis was waiting. Not his first choice, but he happily accepted it. Josh's palms were sweating.

He wiped them on his jeans and looked to Evan.

"I don't think you fucked up, Josh," Evan smirked and leaned forward, grabbing his own beer and taking a swig. "We looked over the footage. Whoever it was, was parked a block away from you and left before you were even close to being at your own." Josh sighed. "We have the license plate number just in case you want to..." Evan crossed his arms. "Tie any loose ends, if you will." Josh nodded. 

"Yeah. Yeah, yeah, of course. No yeah." He lifted the beer up to his mouth and tasted the bitter hints of orange. "So I left my car in Indiana. I have coordinates and I left the keys in a secret location." Josh's eyes grew dark. He wasn't proud that he was having to do these things, but he felt good at it and his ego grew.

"Perfect. Send the coordinates to the skeleton and we'll have a couple of guys go get it. Did you have everything you needed out of there? We're destroying it, you know." Josh nodded. He wasn't that sentimental. "And no one saw you? Is it somewhere safe? No police will get to it?" Josh's heart thundered in his ears. He hoped. 

"Yeah, it's an area that looks like it was overrun by the apocalypse. Plus, it was like 7 a.m." Evan grinned.  
"Perfect. So we're done here?" He motioned for Josh to get up and leave, but he stayed.

"Actually... I feel like I have a right to know who I'm..." His hand flopped around trying to find the right synonym. "Kicking..." Evan sat back in his seat. He pursed his lips, looking to the left. 

"Okay. Sure. Yeah, you're right." He set his hands on the table, gripping his drink and playing with the condensation. Josh waited in anticipation.

"Your recent guy. He was selling military-grade weapons to random thugs on the street. Think..." He looked to the ceiling for an answer. "Spiderman: Homecoming. And we're... Spider-man." Evan licked his lips before taking a swig. Josh chuckled. 

"So are all of these guys doing, bad stuff? Like shit that will endanger other people?" 

"Pretty much. Rapists, murderers, you name it." 

Even though Josh was the one murdering, he felt better about it. He was a good person, he knew it deep down, but these people who met his wrath were criminals. By their own sheer evil. Josh wasn't evil.

"In fact... the crime rate in Columbus and Cleveland has gone down about 13% since we hired you on." He whispered. Josh's eyes grew in amazement. 

"Wow."

"Yeah."

They sat in silence for a moment. That was all Josh needed to hear. He downed the rest of his beer.

"I'll have my guy send you the plate number. Keep an eye out."

"So I guess we're done here." Josh mimicked Evan. He stood, and started towards the door.

Josh pulled into his parking spot in front of his apartment. He sat in his car in silence before pulling his phone out to text Evan the coordinates. The skeleton had texted him the plate number. Why did it sound so familiar? He looked around for a moment.

Josh's head felt hot. He looked at the car parked next to him, then back to his phone. Although he couldn't see the plate from where he was sitting, here was sure of it. He opened his door and extended his legs out slowly. He stood, feeling like his knees would buckle. He positioned himself in front of Tyler's car. It matched the plate exactly. Josh's head felt dizzy, it felt numb, he wanted to cry, he wanted to scream. His roommate knew. Most likely, at least. They didn't see Tyler in the footage. If they had, they weren't telling Josh. He thought back on how he noticed car lights behind him at all times. When he exited, they exited. Josh just wasn't thinking about it, he was thinking about getting the job done and nothing else.

Tyler knew. And he was told to kill him.


	6. Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Won't you torture someone else's sleep?

When Josh walked into the house, Tyler was on the couch watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off. He only watched it when he was feeling anxious or couldn't calm down. Tyler flinched when the door closed, but didn't peer away from the TV. Josh didn't know how to go about this. He wasn't going to kill him, he wasn't going to try. Evan said _if you want to_ and Josh wants to take it literally. He had to come clean to Tyler, especially if he already knows.

Josh set his keys down on the counter, taking in all of Tyler's micro-expressions. His body shifted on the couch every time Josh made any sort of movement; he was biting his lip as if not to scream and digging at the skin on his thumb.

"Hey... You okay?" Josh's voice was soft, calm, despite the chronic anxiety that pooled in his chest. He took a few steps over to the couch to turn on the lamp next to Tyler. Tyler was unnecessarily still, like someone had put him a freezer and he had yet to thaw. His breaths were shallow. Josh knew Tyler was scared. Even though he had no reason to be, he didn't blame him. Josh took it upon himself to sit next to his frightened friend. Tyler's heart was racing. The moment Josh stepped through the door, his body halted. The movie he was once enjoying turned into him wondering if he should run for his life or wait to see what Josh had to say. Tyler felt like he was going to collapse. He tried his best to be collected on the outside, but on the inside, he was screaming. So no, he was not okay.

"Did you see?" Out of a million thoughts racing through Josh's mind, questions he wanted to ask, doubts he had, he could only say one thing. Tyler's gaze was still on Ferris Bueller, but he seemed uninterested. He was deep in thought, the wheels turning. Tyler hates confrontation, hated being put in this position. He wasn't sure whether to act like he didn't know anything or just outright confess that he followed him; but if Josh found out that it was Tyler in the footage, between the time he bought his new car and the time he had just gotten home, there was no point. Josh must have been with Evan, discussing who it was, like he said he would. Tyler stayed silent instead.

"Ty, please," Josh shifted his body to sit criss-cross on the couch, facing his friend. Josh's eyes burned holes into Tyler's skin. Tyler wouldn't budge. He was petrified. Josh extended a hand slowly to touch Tyler's arm, a sign of intimacy and trust. If Tyler did know, he didn't trust Josh. He knew what he was capable of, so Josh was trying to make the aura of the room as calm as he could. Tyler flinched at the touch, scooting away from him and closer to the arm rest. Josh put his hand up so Tyler could know he wasn't going to hurt him. Josh sighed. "Ty... I know... that you know..." Tyler turned his head to look at the man he thought he once knew. Tears started to well in his eyes, but he tried to hide his fear. Maybe Josh could smell it.

"What do I know, exactly?" Tyler spat. He wasn't loud, but his words exploded shakily into the air. His throat was closing up, trying to hold back his emotions. He wasn't doing a very good job at it.

"I know that..." He inhaled a trembling breath. His exhale was just as off-kilter. "That you followed me... Last night." Tyler's eyes grew. The weight in the room had dropped, the tension releasing between the both of them. Tyler exhaled the breath he didn't know he was holding, and let out a small chuckle, but grew serious once again. A tear fell from his eye.

"I didn't see... but like, I saw, and I heard, you know?" Josh nodded. "I... Josh, I don't even know who you are." Tyler shrugged, hands falling into his lap. He stared at the TV again. Josh picked up the remote and paused it.

"I know. Tyler, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Josh didn't want Tyler to pity him, he wasn't asking for forgiveness. He wanted his friend to know he didn't mean for him to get dragged into this, that he was sorry for lying to him for a year.

"Sorry for what? Murdering people?" Tyler's eyes were bloodshot. With every breath, his emotions kept slipping from within.

"Tyler, you have no fucking idea how guilty I feel. I constantly think about killing myself because of it, but I can't escape this. And right now, I need to help you. I need you to listen to me, get on my level, and understand," Josh reached his hands out again, this time, Tyler was calmer. He didn't move away, he didn't run, he didn't scream. Singular tears kept falling onto his face and into his lap, but Tyler wanted to understand. He'd only known the guy for a year. This is why he missed living alone. Tyler nodded, letting the man brace his hands. He let out the softest _okay_ that it barely emulated a sound. Josh furrowed his brows, focusing on the small hands he was embracing. "They have your license plate number. They know it's you," Tyler's heart just about stopped beating. Tears were falling more than once at a time. His lip quivered. "Evan, my boss, wants me to kill you. Except that he didn't say that, it was more like, 'you can if you find it necessary' kind of thing. But, Tyler, I would let them kill me before they got to you. Do you understand me?" Tyler's breaths grew quicker. 

"What's going to happen?" Tyler was falling apart.

"I know some guys that can get rid of your car. From what I know, and understand, they don't know what you look like. They don't know where we live. They just know your license plate number." Josh was trying to keep his friend calm, as calm as they could be in this situation. "We can erase it from the data base, make it look like that car never existed. I'll buy you a new one." Tyler shook his head. He's had his car since his 16th birthday, and unlike Josh, he was sentimental. "Tyler, no. There is no time to disagree with me." Josh started to stand up, but Tyler stayed still. When Josh knew he wasn't going to move, he sat back down, but closer to Tyler. "I know we haven't been the closest since everyone moved out," Josh thought for a moment. They never really were the closest, ever. "But I care about you, Ty, and it breaks my stupid god damn heart that you're being put through this. I love our once-in-a-blue-moon jam sessions, I love that you leave the coffee maker on for me so I can make a fresh cup, I love that you always send me new music that you find because you think I'll like it. You have a good heart. I know I'm a good guy, and I know that you know that." Josh put his forehead onto their still clasped hands. Tyler was sobbing now. "I need to protect you. Will you allow me to do that? Please let me show you I'm not a monster." 

Tyler didn't want to believe Josh's sob story. But, Tyler wouldn't have renewed his lease in the same house with Josh if he didn't like him in the first place. He wanted to be able to continue liking him. He knew he had a good heart. Josh could've killed him by now. He could've killed him months ago. But he didn't, and they were both crying for each other.

"Okay."


	7. Thinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And you will never know what I'm thinking of

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is v fluffy don't mind me

Josh had texted a few of his buddies, and Tyler's car was gone within the hour. He promised to take his friend to the dealership after work, but in the meantime, Josh held him while he cried. Tyler was scared. Against Josh, he was this small puppy that was left in box on the side of the road. His lungs hurt, with every raise of his chest he felt a burning sensation. He cried for the fact that the mafia was after him, that his roommate was a murderer, that his car was just stolen by criminals. Well, not really stolen; he was forced against his will to give it away. Josh had handed them the keys and afterwards, Tyler laid on the couch, head in Josh's lap, while he wept silently. Josh's heart shattered at the sight of his broken friend. Josh had told Tyler that he had to work tonight, but Josh favored to ignore any text about a job. They could hire someone else for once.

Josh offered to drive him to and from work tomorrow. Tyler appreciated the help, and he was starting to warm up to Josh again. Nevertheless, Tyler was quite frankly a mess. He hadn't showered since Friday evening; his hair was disheveled, a pungent smell escaping from his body. Tyler didn't feel like eating. Josh offered to cook pasta, but he refused. Despite the grumbling of his stomach, he left Josh to eat alone and watch Donnie Darko, and Tyler went to shower.

Tyler stood in the shower, letting the suds run down his torso. He stared at the tiles on the wall, but couldn't help but shake. He tried focusing on the feeling of the steam filling his lungs, the water burning his skin, the splashing by his feet. He tried to focus on anything but the suicidal state of mind he found himself in. His knees were weak and his legs refused to keep him up. He sat down on the floor of the tub, bringing his knees to his chest and hoping to suffocate by the water that was now burning his face. He felt like he was crying, but the water blended with his tears. Tyler was in the shower for nearly an hour. Josh eventually came to knock, Tyler didn't answer, so Josh opened the door. The shower curtain hid the broken pieces of a man mixed with the water going down the drain.

"Tyler?" Josh's head was peeked in. He heard nothing but the running water, and automatically assumed the worst. Tyler had confided in him pretty early on about his history with self-harm, and even though Tyler was clean for a year and a half, Josh couldn't help but let those thoughts run in his mind. Josh closed the door behind him. It was humid, and surely the water had turned cold by now. "Tyler?" Josh repeated. "Do you need help?" A small sob emitted from the white noise of the shower and Josh took it upon himself to sling back the curtain. Tyler didn't flinch, but he was curled into a ball on the floor, head between his knees. Josh turned the knob, and it was silent. He grabbed a towel from the rack and wrapped it around his friends' shoulders. "C'mon, Ty." Josh promised to take care of him, so he did.

Tyler stood up shakily, spine cracking with his movements. He was still as Josh left him to dry by himself to grab clothes from his dresser. Tyler wasn't moving. He was in shock; you'd be surprised to even hear his heart beating. Josh returned with clean clothes only to see Tyler still dripping, sat on the lid of the toilet. Josh frowned. He walked up to the boy, seeming so small, and dried him off best to his abilities. He kept the towel over his groin for modesty as he put his shirt over his head. "Tyler, can you put on some underwear so I don't have to? Please?" Josh held out his underwear, and Tyler grabbed it ever so slowly. Josh turned away as he did so. He turned back around as he heard a _plop_ back on the lid.

"Alexa, play thunderstorm." Josh called out. This was Tyler's go-to noise, nearly every night when he walked in the house it was playing. He laid Tyler in his bed, tucking him under the covers and turning out the light. "I'll be up to take you to work. Don't forget to set your alarm." Josh was headed out the door to retreat upstairs to smoke a joint when he heard a faint whimper coming from the darkness. He stopped in his tracks as he looked back, the hall light coming through the small sliver in the door Josh had open, illuminating Tyler's face. Tyler was crying again.

"'m scared, Josh." He spoke in broken fragments, so soft that Josh thought he imagined it. 

"I know, Ty, I'm sorry. What can I do?"

"Stay with me." The younger man was shaking again.

"Okay, I'll be right back." Josh left the door cracked as he bounded up the stairs, changing into pajamas and grabbing a phone charger. He practically flew back down, terrified of leaving his friend alone. He made sure the doors and windows were locked and bolted before he slid back into Tyler's room. He checked Tyler's windows, which were also locked. He could rest a little easier knowing he was safe in the confines of the bedsheets next to Tyler.

Tyler instantly curled up against Josh's chest, the pounding of his heart calmed the man in letting him know he was alive. He would be okay, and he was still alive. Josh wrapped his arms around Tyler's shoulders, his body language letting him know he wasn't going anywhere.

"Did you set your alarm?"

"Yeah."

Josh traced his fingers along Tyler's arm, and Tyler felt safe. He stopped shaking, he stopped crying, and was able to fall into a peaceful sleep since finding out his roommate was a hitman.


	8. Goodnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So won't you say goodnight so I can say goodbye

Josh upheld his promise in taking Tyler to work in the morning. When they woke up, Josh was spooning the younger man. He didn't mind. Tyler didn't either.

Josh thought about telling Evan that the person who followed him was his roommate, and was trustworthy. He was unsure how he'd react, but even more terrified that Evan would tell him to kill him anyway. Tyler was precious to him. He wasn't sure how to go about it anyway without the police interrogating him and then searching his room and finding his journal. But Josh wouldn't kill Tyler for any amount of money. It wasn't worth it.

In the car, Tyler was staring out the window the whole 30 minutes it took to get to work. His eyes traced the trees that came and went in a blur, not having been able to appreciate the surroundings since he was the one always paying attention to the road. Josh drummed on his steering wheel every once in a while, and Tyler would give him a look. Josh would mouth a _sorry_ , and it would be silent again. Tyler didn't feel like talking and Josh didn't pry.

Since Tyler worked at a law firm, Josh knew he'd be safe and wouldn't have to stay and guard the building only for his friend. But then, Josh had a thought when they pulled into the parking lot. They were a few minutes early. Tyler mumbled a 'thanks' and started to open the door.

"Wait," Josh started. Tyler halted, afraid Josh was going to kill him. He chuckled when he realized that he probably wasn't going to, and loosened his grip on the handle. "Do you have access to records?" Tyler nodded. "If I gave you a name, could you look it up and relay the information to me?"

"Josh, as much as I'd love to help you gather intel for your next assassination-"

"It's not for a job."

Tyler bit his lip and looked off to the side.

"I'll see what I can do."

"Evan Hall. I'll be back before 5."

Tyler nodded again, mumbled a thanks and retreated into his job.

The day dragged on, answering calls, making appointments, bringing coffee to one of the lawyers. He had a spot in his free time and decided to look up what Josh asked him to. Evan must be his boss. If they trusted each other, why did he want information on him? He went into the back where the paper records lived and sifted through the 'H' section. Hall, Evan. He dug up the file. He opened it to find the man he could've only imagine would be a crime boss. There was a criminal record. He was charged with a hit and run and a breaking and entering. He was nearly 40, and there wasn't much information on his personal life besides the fact he had a wife and daughter. Had. They died in a shooting at a mall in 2013. Maybe, just maybe, that was his motive for taking out other bad guys, to prevent other people from suffering a loss like he had. Josh told him after his car was taken that the guy he killed was a weapons dealer. This made much more sense to him. Evan got 5 years in jail, but served 2 and was let out on good behavior. His law firm was the one who advised him, they helped him get released early. As he sifted through the rest of the file, he turned back to the front page. His mugshot was there. He did seem familiar, like he'd seen him in a coffee shop or something.

Tyler realized, Evan had a full on conversation with him a few months ago when he came in to visit one of the lawyers. Tyler put the file back, and jumped at every slight sound. Were his lawyers friends with him? Did they console Evan on how to get away with murder? Josh had to have known that his law firm was the one his boss used. He was itching to see Josh again so he could relay his new knowledge.

The day was over, and sure enough, Josh was waiting for him out front. Tyler smiled as he opened the door.

"Good day?"

"I found out about your boss." 

Josh sat in silence, frozen that Tyler knew this.

"How did you-"

"Apologies, I read your diary after you got your car. Sorry about that. I know it's fucked up, but now I know everything and you can trust me," Josh's mouth was agape, ready to yell and shout, but he figured this wasn't a good time to get angry. "I found out that his wife and daughter died in a shooting. There's a motive. Don't know if you knew that already." Josh shook his head and put his hand over his mouth.

"I didn't know that."

"Okay, well, I also think Evan is friends with the lawyers here. He was charged with two crimes but only served 2 out of a five-year sentence. My firm helped him out." 

"Yeah? So maybe he wants to repay your lawyers by going to lunch with them or something-"

"No."

"No?"

Tyler sat there, almost giddy. "Can you drive?" Josh sparked up, like he'd forgotten they were in a car. He turned the engine over and they pulled onto the highway.

"No, because, what if, the lawyers are his bosses? How else would you get paid so much?"

Josh stayed silent, the rusty wheels turning in his brain. He ran his fingers through his hair.

"I think one of the reasons you haven't been caught yet, is because there's a whole system going on. The lawyers defend people on who's kids were murdered, or raped, or mugged, or some shit like that. The perpetrator gets off scot-free." Tyler's hands were moving as rapidly as his mouth. Tyler made an amazing discovery, he was excited. "The lawyers don't want the perps on the street, they hire Evan, who hired you. They know Evan isn't capable of murder after what happened to his family."

"That actually... would make sense..." Tyler just nodded furiously. The conversation ended when Tyler told him about the rest of his day. Josh was happy Tyler was finally warming up to him again, a little less shocked. They talked and laughed, and everything seemed normal again.

The car pulled up in front of their house.

"Go look more casge, I'm taking you to the dealership." Tyler almost protested. "I'm the reason your car was taken, you deserve something nicer and better than that 20 year old piece of junk. Now go." Tyler rushed inside to change out of his business casual attire and put on something more relaxed. He bounded out of the house, locking the door behind him, and got in the car happily.

"What are you looking for? I can get you a Tesla... or a BMW..." 

"Something used. I don't want to go home, my mom asking how I could afford a Tesla, and me having to tell her that you're a hitman who gets paid a lot of money for it."

"That's fair. Also, thanks for trusting me. I really appreciate it." Josh's words hung in the air. "I wouldn't let anything happen to you. Do you hear me, Tyler Joseph?" Tyler chuckled and nodded. He was fine with keeping his friends' secret.

Josh bought him a Toyota Hybrid. It had good mileage, and it was good for the environment. Josh wondered how he became friends with such a pure heart.

Like Josh did when he got his car, Tyler followed him home. They arrived at the same time, got out of the car at the same time, and stood in front of the door. It was closed, but the frame looked slightly damaged.

"Has that always been there?" Tyler asked, reaching for the handle. Josh swatted his hand away, and stood in front of him.

"Josh? You're scaring me." Josh put a finger over his own lips, telling him to be quiet. 

"Stay here." Tyler backed up down the steps, clutching his chest. 

"No, Josh. Call the cops instead." 

"You know I can't do that." Josh opened the door quietly, and despite him telling Tyler to stay back, Tyler followed. There was slight rummaging going on. Josh stopped in his tracks and told Tyler to hide underneath the kitchen bar, which was confined by walls.

Tyler peered around to see Josh walking forward silently. He stopped in front of Tyler's room.

"Evan?"

"Josh? Wow, what a nice surprise." Tyler's heart was beating in his ears. He felt like his lungs were going to collapse. Evan definitely was not here to see Josh.

"I guess you're here because you found him too?"

"What?" Josh sounded taken aback.

"The guy who lives here. His name's Tyler. We came here to kill him, tie the loose ends."


	9. Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haven't you taken enough from me?

Tyler sat frozen underneath the bar. His knuckles were white clutching his shirt, his hair, trying to grab onto something like a lifeline. He could only imagine what would've happened if he walked in first, if Josh dropped him off to get him a car, if they hadn't have gone to the dealership in the first place. He imagined his body lying lifeless on his bed, or in a river, or buried in a forest where no one could find him. He could envision himself decapitated, cut to pieces, or left on the street to bleed out like the man Josh killed. He felt like he was about to take his last breath. No, Josh promised him nothing would happen to him. He was afraid to peek his head back out. Their voices sounded muffled like they were situated in Tyler's room. He didn't know how many other people were here. He also wasn't sure why Josh didn't tell them they were roommates, that he was trustworthy. If his law firm theory was correct, that would make him look even better. It's not like him and Evan hadn't met before. It's not like Tyler didn't know all of his dirty little secrets.

Tyler shut his eyes and stopped breathing, trying to block two of his senses so that his hearing could be stronger.

"Evan..."

"No, Josh, I told you to find him, and kill him. I ain't playin' around." Tyler prayed to a God he wasn't sure was there.

"Just hear me out. Can we talk? Upstairs?" Josh emphasized his tone on 'upstairs'. Tyler opened his eyes to see that he wasn't dead yet. 

"Fine."

Footsteps retreated up the stairs, and Tyler got a text. 

_Go outside. QUIETLY. I'll fix this. Downstairs is all clear._

Tyler shoved with trembling hands his phone in his pocket. His adrenaline was pumping, but one noise and he was sure to be toast. He moved the barstool an inch to the right, being aware of where his feet were situated. His footsteps were gentle. His breathing was shallow. He peeked up above the counter of the bar to find the living room empty. Tyler took one step, two steps, three steps, before reaching the back door. He twisted the handle slowly, being aware of any creaking, and opened it with ease. He stepped outside, being just as careful to close it. He didn't stop to breathe before he took off running down the sidewalk and down the street of the complex. Each building in their complex held five residents each. They were like little cottages for college students. They were considered apartments, but everyone called them houses. He didn't realize how similar each one looked until he reached the end of the road. He turned to hide behind the last cottage on the street, he was breathing heavily but each inhale was just as shaky as the last. He closed his eyes when his back touched the exterior of the house.

He slid down against the wall, tears escaping and flowing from his eyes. He buried his head in his hands when he felt his phone buzzing. It was Josh.

"Hello?" Josh didn't answer back. Tyler almost hung up when he thought it was a butt-dial, but a conversation was happening. From the last few days, he realized that Josh never did anything by accident. He had intentions for all of his actions. He wanted Tyler to hear this. He instantly muted his end of the line, surely Josh didn't want to hear how hard he was crying.

"I didn't know who followed me until I got home from the bar, I was sent the license plate. I didn't know how you'd react so I didn't tell you yet. Believe me, when I found out, I was furious. But Tyler has always proven to be a loyal friend, he's a good roommate and he has a good head on his shoulders. He's constantly had my back, even now that he knows."

Josh told Evan about him. He smiled at what Josh said about him though. Josh was one of the kindest people he's ever encountered; he didn't deserve to go to jail, or worse, die. Not yet, at least. 

"Josh. Look, I like you. I trust you. But you know the rules."

Tyler's heart nearly stopped.

"Evan, listen to me. You are not killing this man. He's innocent. He's never even done a drug in his life. That goes against your morals, yeah?" Evan was silent. "Look, Tyler is my best friend. You'll have to go through me to get to him."

Tyler smirked. Josh really wasn't messing around, but also putting himself in harms way. It was comforting to know that they would die for each other. That's a good sign of a good relationship, right?

"Like I said, I trust you." Tyler held his breath. It was starting to get dark now, and Tyler was afraid, especially knowing the mafia was in his house, to be outside in the elements. "Here's what's gonna happen. You know I'm a good guy Josh. I'll have a background check run on Tyler. If anything comes up, even a speeding ticket, he gets the boot. Or chair, or whatever. If he's clean, I'll let him be. I'll forget where you live."

The relief Tyler felt washed over him like a wave in the Pacific Ocean. He started laughing, not out of happiness, but of fear. Tyler was clean, he knew it, but that pit of self doubt, 'what if there's something I don't know about?' But he wouldn't have been able to get the job at the law firm if he had anything.

"Also, something else you should know. Tyler works at the law firm you used."

"Is that so?" The silence was deafening, piercing his ears more than a gunshot could.

"Disregard anything I just said," Evan sounded stern. "So I've met him already, huh?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Cool, cool, cool, cool," There was a pause. Tyler's heart couldn't seem to calm down. "Tell Mr. Tyler to come out from wherever he's hiding."

"Evan, promise me you're not going to do anything to him. Over my dead body." 

"Chill out, Josh. You ever relax? Jeez. Yeah, I swear on my wife's grave. You can be here when I talk to him. If I touch him, you get to kill me." Tyler stood up. His knees were shaking, he was still in the midst of a breakdown, but he felt better. The line hung up, and Josh texted him. _Come inside._ He made his way back, which to be fair, was only a few houses down from where he was. He opened the door cautiously to see Josh and Evan in the living room. Evan beamed at him as he shut the door behind him. Josh looked terrified. Tyler recreated whatever Josh was feeling. He stepped inside and Evan rushed up to him, grabbing his shoulders and giving him a hug. Tyler noticed a gun on the coffee table.

"God you're so tense," Evan buried Tyler's head in his shoulder.

"Well you did just threaten to kill me," Tyler laughed, making Evan chuckle too. "Sorry."

"Don't be. Funny guy. Sorry about that. I didn't realize you worked for Harper & Dane. How long you been there?"

"Six months."

"Cool, cool. So, now," Evan unclasped Tyler from his grip and led him to the middle of the living room, where Josh was standing. "You know everything. You know that Harper is my boss, Josh told me you put together that little theory on your own." Tyler nodded. "You want to be a lawyer? You studying law?" Tyler shook his head. 

"I don't really have a plan A. Or B, for that matter. I'm just good at being a detective." 

"I'll say. Look, kid. I want to be on your good side. I want you to be on my good side. But now that you know about... All of this, I feel you'd be a good asset to our team." Tyler froze. He would kill himself right now if he was told to start murdering people. "Josh likes you. You like him. What better kind of team could you think of?"

"The Avengers," Josh muttered to himself.

"Hm?" Evan spun around to look at him.

"Nothin." He chuckled and twisted the ends of his hair.

"Ty, can I call you Ty?"

"No."

"Assertive. I like it. Okay, Tyler. We'll triple your pay if you join us. I'll have to assess you, do some work, see if you're fit." Tyler's face looked horrified, and Evan would be stupid to not pick up on it. "You won't be killing anyone. That's Josh's job. He's good at it. I think you'd be good at intel. Follow the criminals for about a week at a time, figure out their schedule. You're good at hiding, you're small, and no offense, but you don't seem that noticeable."

"Thanks."

"I said no offense."

Tyler huffed, but felt relieved. He thought on it for a moment. Evan was one to talk, Josh's hair was always dyed some sort of neon color. He was the most noticeable guy ever, with a colored sleeve on one arm.

"I'm not giving you the night to think about it. It's now or never." Tyler hesitated. Evan spun around behind Tyler and put a switchblade to his throat. He was threatening to kill him if he didn't comply. Josh didn't even think twice before grabbing the gun, cocking it, and holding it up towards Evan. The air was tense. Josh was breathing heavily out of pure adrenaline for fear of his friend's throat being sliced. The metal cool against Tyler's throat, he was afraid to exhale what might be his last breath. He shut his eyes.

"I can smell your fear, little boy. Yes or no?"

Tyler opened his eyes. He swallowed his pride.

"Yes." He croaked, the blade nearly choking him. Josh put the gun down as soon as Evan retracted the blade back and walked in front of Tyler. Tyler held his throat, gasping for air.

"Welcome to the team."


	10. Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I start to part two halves of my heart in the dark and i-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is in the past tense, sowwy.
> 
> tw//rape

Tyler felt nothing but anxiety that night. Josh was terrified for his friend. Before Evan left, he told Tyler they would talk more at the law firm. Josh claimed he was going to run some tests: a mental analysis, IQ test, and after work, go to a warehouse to test his agility. Josh claimed Tyler would see bad things. Josh claimed Tyler would eventually feel numb to it. Tyler secretly wished that he was 'the skeleton', although he had no hacking skills whatsoever, he wouldn't have the fear of getting caught for having a stake-out. After his agility test, he would be good to start on a job. Tyler had a bruise on his throat from the switchblade; for the next week it would be a constant reminder that he had no choice. It was either live for a man he barely knew, or die by the hand in which feeds him. 

That night, Tyler asked Josh to stay with him again. Josh offered him a joint, promising it would calm his nerves. Tyler had a panic attack instead. Josh wasted half of a joint that he could have smoked himself, but instead put it out and coddled his friend. Josh didn't let go, hugging Tyler tight. Tyler felt Josh's heartbeat. It reminded him he was alive. Tyler's tears soaked Josh's shirt, he didn't mind. He felt responsible for the younger man. He too, cried, cursing himself that he got himself in this situation. He should've told Evan to leave, lead him elsewhere. Should've taken Tyler and jumped town. They were stuck, though.

In the morning, Tyler didn't want to wake up. He wanted to stay safe in Josh's arms. Josh wouldn't let anything hurt him; he's proven that he has his back. Tyler has Josh's back too, even if he can't fight or debate as well. _Ty, be strong for me._ Josh told him as he left for work. Josh offered to come with him, afraid Tyler wouldn't show up to the law firm. Tyler promised him he'd be okay. He went to work, where Evan was waiting. Evan did run tests. Tyler wouldn't know the results of his IQ test until a week later and he made it seem like he was mentally stable; he looked up how to pass a mental wellness check. He did, and so they could continue. After work, Evan drove him to an abandoned car part warehouse. He wasn't as agile as Evan hoped, his basketball skills had frayed through the years. They had a chance to talk. Evan started to trust Tyler. Evan told him that Josh would have a job on Wednesday night, where he'd accompany him, but tonight he wanted him to stakeout with another associate when he got back.

Tyler drove to the location in which the victim lived, to find another man in a vehicle: his associate. Tyler was afraid the entire time. His associate knew. It was dark out, nearing 11 p.m., and his associate, named James, claimed they had to stay until 5 a.m.. Tyler felt his eyelids grow heavy with each minute, sitting in silence, waiting for something to happen. James asked if he was bored. Tyler chuckled and said yes. He had leaned his head on his hand, resting on the arm rest, and his eyes fluttered closed despite his refusal. James told him not to make a noise. Tyler's head perked up. _What?_ James' hand wondered to Tyler's thigh. Tyler tried to be kind about it: _Um... I don't think-_ He tried to move his hand away. _Shut the fuck up, new fish._ His associate had no mercy. James told Tyler to get in the backseat, even after saying no. James had Tyler facedown on the pleather seats. Tyler said no. James forced himself into him anyway. Tears escaped the corners of his eyes, unable to move and defeated. James laughed, calling him weak. James finished and moved back to the front, lighting a cigarette. Tyler pulled his pants back up, and instead returning to the passenger side, he exited the vehicle and ran as fast as he could. He wondered if Josh was worried about him. He reached his car a block away and drove home. He never saw the victim leave or enter his house.

Tyler cried the entire way home, tears blurring the lines on the road. He didn't care if he crashed his car. He didn't care if someone were to kill him. He silently cursed himself for saying 'yes' to Evan. He wish his throat has been sliced. He didn't have a plan A for his life, but whatever it was, this wasn't it.

He reached the back door to see the windows emitting light. He tried to pull himself together, ready to face Josh and tell him about his first day. Everytime he stopped crying, his throat would close and tears would escape once more. He couldn't get it together in time for Josh to open the door to find a boy falling into his arms. Josh pulled him inside, where they both collapsed on the ground, Josh because he followed Tyler down, Tyler because he was so overwhelmed with negative emotion, his body couldn't bare any more pain. Josh waited for him to wake up, carrying him to his bed. Tyler woke up five minutes later.

"Ty, what's going on?" Josh caressed Tyler's cheeks, wiping away stained tears. Tyler couldn't help but whimper. "Baby boy please talk to me," Josh instantly closed his mouth, appalled the words slipped out. Tyler either didn't notice, or didn't care. He was shaking. "Please stop crying, Tyler. Just talk to me." Josh held the boy closer and Tyler wrapped his arms around the older man. He composed himself enough.

"James, do you know James..." Tyler croaked. He felt Josh nod. "Said he was bored..." Josh pulled away and looked at him in the eyes. Tyler's face was red and puffy, eyes swollen, and Josh's heart shattered. He felt he knew where this was going. "He..." Tyler stopped himself before more tears piled up, swallowed his pride, and inhaled. "he.... raped me..." His voice was as soft as a whisper. Josh squeezed the breath out of Tyler.

"God, I'm so sorry, Tyler. Fuck. I'll tell Evan." Tyler continued crying. Josh left the room to call Evan. Evan told him he'd kill James. Josh didn't protest.

He came back to tell Tyler the news. Tyler wasn't happy that someone had to die but he didn't argue, it was for the best. Josh fed Tyler the rest of the pasta he cooked and they were calming down. They watched Ferris Bueller until Tyler fell asleep on the couch. Josh set his alarm.

***

Tyler woke up to his alarm going off on the coffee table. His head was on Josh's chest, rising and falling, reminding him that he was alive. Josh woke up too, sad that he wasn't in his grip anymore. 

"Evan said you have a job tonight. I have to go with you."

"Tyler, you're not coming. You were literally crying all night."

"I'm okay." Josh furrowed his brows at him. Tyler was stubborn and Josh nodded once. Tyler got up to get ready for work; Josh had decided he was coming with him. 

The day went on just like any other, Tyler answering calls and making appointments and Josh brought him lunch and they ate together. Tyler loved this newfound time spent with his friend, he felt like they were closer than ever. Although, he was afraid he would never find this kind of connection with anyone else.

***

That night, Josh got a text with a location and time. It would be at one a.m., in the same place Tyler was violated. They both wore black, but this time, Tyler was driving. He would be his getaway. Josh was ordered to break into this guys house. He wore shoe covers and a plastic jumpsuit that he would hand off to Evan to burn. Josh very seldom had to use close contact for a kill, but since this guy rarely left his house, they had to go in. Tyler drove Josh to the scene, where he would be a block away. Josh told him to count to 100, and then pull the car around so he could jump in and they could leave. 

Tyler counted to 100, revved the engine and pulled up to Josh. He didn't have any blood on him, but they had to drive to the warehouse Evan took Tyler to, to drop off the knife and the jumpsuit. They went home after. Tyler was given $2,000 and Josh, $8,000. Evan congratulated Tyler on a first job well done, it was smooth, and Josh did a good job on the kill. Josh felt a sense of pride, but Tyler felt empty.

When they got home, Josh retreated up the stairs to go shower. He rolled a blunt and called it a night. After Tyler showered, he found himself in front of Josh's door.

"Josh? Can I come in?" He heard muffled footsteps, the stink of weed, and his music being turned down. Josh opened the door. Tyler looked just as broken as he'd previously been. Josh was shirtless, barely dry from his shower, and pulled Tyler in after he realized he would not walk on his own. Tyler sat on the bed.

"Can I sleep with you tonight?" Tyler was soft, fiddling with the skin on his fingers. Josh expected nothing less, and he obliged.

Tyler felt nothing but numb. He was scared to be alone, to be alone with his thoughts. Josh was the only thing that seemed to help him not disconnect from reality. Josh sat next to Tyler, the bed sinking in. Tyler instinctively laid his temple on his friends' shoulder. Josh cupped his cheek.

"I don't want to do this anymore." Tyler whimpered. Josh just grabbed his hand and squeezed it. 

"I know, Ty. Believe me," Tyler rotated his head so his forehead was leaning into Josh's skin. Tyler inhaled, the smell of flowery body wash overpowering his senses. Josh gripped his friends' chin, leaning his head up so they could look at each other. "We can get through this together. We're in the same boat. I'm not going to let another soul hurt you again, I swear on my li-"

Josh was cut off by the air escaping his lungs, Tyler wrapped his entire body around his friend, clasping his hands together behind Josh's back. Josh felt surprised by the sudden grip, but he knew his hugs always made him feel better. It was the only true place Tyler felt safe nowadays. He knew Josh couldn't hurt him.  
They sat embraced in each other's arms until what felt like dawn.


	11. Fears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't know where I should go and the tears and the fears begin to multiply-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in a few days, I've literally been working on this chapter since my last post. Writer's block is a hell of a thing.

Josh had a job the next day. Tyler called out sick to work. Evan questioned him, but after how Josh reacted the first few months of starting, he understood. He gave Tyler the rest of the work week to recoup. However, he wanted him to be Josh's getaway for another job Saturday. Each night, the two roommates had begun a nightly ritual. They would sit in front of the TV, eat whatever Josh made, went in to their own rooms to shower, and Josh slept where Tyler wanted to. Josh didn't feel comfortable leaving his side. Eventually, Tyler went a day without crying. He kept it up. Josh persuaded Tyler to keep a journal. He started writing, laying out all of his emotions on the page. At the end of the second session, he filled up half of the notebook. He ended up messing around in a music program on his laptop, illustrating his fears and doubts and insecurities into a little melody he had bouncing in his brain. At the end of his first day off from work, he had an entire song demoed. Even though him and Josh share everything now, he figured he'd keep this his little secret for now.

Although he was anxious for the day that him and Josh had to separate for one reason or another, Tyler stayed strong. Friday, Tyler spent the day mindlessly playing Spiderman again. He forgot how much he missed the game, being able to tap out of reality and be a superhero. He wished he was a superhero. Instead, he was helping the evil villain take over the world; Tyler had to learn to shake these thoughts or he'd never be able to have any alone time ever again. 

Josh constantly worried about Tyler; to the point where he felt sick. He happily took on the role of Tyler's caretaker if it meant the dark thoughts would stop consuming him. But Josh knew where Tyler was coming from. He hoped Tyler hadn't relapsed and was doing everything in his power to prevent it. He knew his friend was scarred, tainted. Especially because of James. James would never hurt Tyler again, though. What Josh didn’t know though, is that the little song Tyler created was a small step in him figuring out what he’s feeling, and putting into the universe. Tyler was resilient, he was strong. He'd lived through every hard rock in his life, and even though this may possibly be the biggest rock he's had to hurdle, he can do it. Josh was hopeful. 

***

Tyler was waiting around the corner where Josh was situated on a roof. He saw a woman on a run, around 5 a.m., and knew that was the perp. She was wanted on suspicion of co-leading a sex trafficking circle, along with her husband. Thanks to the skeleton, they got hard evidence against her. Although they couldn’t bring it up in court, seeing as she’d already pleaded innocent and it was illegal to go to court for the same thing twice, Tyler’s law firm took it upon themselves to rid her of existence. Tyler felt okay. He was numb. Anyone that sold children for sex deserved to die. That’s what he told himself, although he’d much rather her rot in a jail cell for the rest of her life. It just wasn’t possible.  
Tyler jumped out of his skin at the sight of her brain splattering across the sidewalk. He didn't feel nauseous, and although the sight was grim, he couldn’t bring himself to look away. Josh sent him a thumbs up, and he started the car. Within 30 seconds, he was back down in the passenger seat. He watched as their associate grabbed the gun and swept the area for particles. They drove home.

Immediately, they went to bed. They didn’t sleep before the job only because Tyler was afraid. He also just wanted to finish the main story in Spiderman before moving onto the DLC. Josh practically had to drag him away from the TV to get him to get dressed, attire black, like they were going to a funeral. In some ways, they were. A funeral for Tyler’s sanity, a funeral for the woman who had a one-way ticket to hell. They slept in Josh’s bed, cozy and warm underneath the duvet. Tyler enjoyed Josh’s presence. Josh enjoyed Tyler’s presence. Tyler didn't even realize it had been a week since he found out about Josh's secret. Now, it was both of theirs. School was starting in a month, their new roommates would be there in two weeks, and they had to figure out a way for it to stay a secret. One roommate out of five was inconspicuous, but two out five was a little suspicious. Tyler had never noticed Josh leaving during the night when his other roommates were there. People were constantly in and out, making noise and being loud. But when it stayed just Josh and Tyler, it became more obvious. Josh was afraid that would happen, but he couldn’t stop.

Apart from the jobs, Josh still had bills to pay. Although he didn't buy expensive and fancy things, he bought drugs and occasionally paid for sex, which he kept a secret from Tyler; he was secretly paying Tyler’s rent before Tyler was getting paid enough for 6 months rent each. Tyler was paying off college, as was Josh, but it didn’t have to be a secret anymore between them. Tyler was getting paid, before being hired on, just enough to cover his rent and car insurance, just enough for groceries, where his mom would have to pay his phone bill. He decided he was able to cover everything now, and his mom truly didn’t hear from him since his first job. Tyler always wondered what it was like to be financially stable. Considering the circumstances, it didn't feel great.

Sunday morning, Tyler woke up early after just a couple hours of sleep to go to his own room and keep messing with his music program. The keyboard on his laptop acted like a real keyboard. He put his headphones on, listening to the song he’d created. He was obsessed. The fact that you could turn nothing into something made him giddy. He made a mental note to go buy a real keyboard. He had enough content in his journal for at least an entire EP, but he just wanted to focus on this one song. He’d never thought about ‘music’ before. Sure, it helped him through high school and he sang the National Anthem at his basketball games, but he wasn’t musically inclined and didn’t know how to play an instrument. Those 'jam sessions' Josh would talk about is just him beating the shit out of the drums, playing along to a song by Green Day and Tyler screaming the lyrics hastily. He kept adding elements to this song. Within what felt like minutes, it was noon and Josh knocked on his door. Tyler pressed ‘save’ as fast he could and shut his laptop.

“Tyler? You okay?”

Tyler felt…. yeah. He felt okay. He had immersed himself in creating something and found purpose in the fact that only he knew about it. For a moment he didn’t think about the pain; an aching in his chest that dragged him out of a slumber, where he woke up screaming. He was creating a world in his head that didn’t involve blood or guts or splattered brains or James or Evan. It was just him and a melody. Josh let himself in. He looked worried.

Tyler opened his mouth and only truth spilled out.

“I’m fine.”


	12. Pillowcase

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking time in a simple place in my bed where my head rests on a pillowcase-

Just like Josh had promised, Tyler grew numb to the sickness he felt. Just another day in the office, he'd tell himself, watching as his best friend ended someone's life. He'd been scoping one lady out for a few days after been handed her file. She was wanted on suspicion of intentionally murdering her patients. A hospital nurse. On more than one occasion, she'd give just a little too much morphine, give the patient a drug they were allergic to; their deaths were ruled as accidental, allergic reaction, they were already really sick anyway. She hadn't been arrested but one of the patient's daughters saw her do it. Evan overheard the daughter talking about it in a coffee house, so he slipped her the skeleton's number and walked away without her seeing his face. They came up with a solution, and here Tyler and Josh were on the outskirts of Cincinnati in a secluded neighborhood. Because there were no fire escapes to climb in a rural part of town, Tyler mounted a rope for Josh to climb in a tree that wasn't too terribly close to her house, and made sure to dismantle it when they were done.

It was one in the morning and she had just finished a shift. Josh barely waited for her to exit her car before he fired. Down he went, not missing a beat with the rope and practically floated into Tyler's car. On the way home, Tyler put on a playlist with music he found to comfort him. Josh seemed more off than usual. They had about an hour drive home, and usually on longer drives they put on 90's punk and jammed out.

"Can we... not?" Josh asked as Tyler started playing Face To Face. Tyler was confused, but obliged, and turned on a playlist where Clarion Call by Delphic started. Tyler was distracted by his friend's seemingly dark exposition, the lines on the highway blurring by and the stars in the sky growing further away as they reached closer to the city. Josh was usually pretty perky after a job, probably a strange coping mechanism. However, Josh seemed distant while he was in the tree, like he didn't care if he missed his target. Josh talked to him the other day about growing tired of getting money this way. Tyler, now, was only focused on trying to not fall asleep behind the wheel and didn't notice that a song started with static piano.

Josh sounded a million miles away. "I've never heard you play this before."

Tyler snapped back into himself and realized it was his song that he had finished recording. _That I let another day go by, I want to be afraid but it seems that these days-_ Tyler skipped the song as soon as his body could react. Josh just gave him a suspicious look, raising his eyebrows.

"Was that you?" For some reason, Tyler felt embarrassed but also wrecked that this song wasn't just his anymore. He spent the past week perfecting it. He even went out and bought a keyboard and a synth pad as well as a microphone and other recording equipment. He didn't know why, but he was obsessed with this new hobby of his. It really took the edge off of witnessing a murder every other night. Tyler was silent for too long. Josh huffed and turned away, annoyed at his friend. That was his voice, _rapping,_ and from what he heard, those were some pretty heavy lyrics. Josh was just glad Tyler found a way to cope.

When they reached the house, Tyler turned off the engine while Josh stayed in the car, hoping Tyler would reflect his actions. Tyler noticed.

"What's up with you tonight?" Josh clasped his hands in his lap. He knew Tyler hated confrontation.

"What's up with me? What's up with you?" Tyler crossed his arms, instantly feeling defensive, wanting to laugh at the gall his friend had to ask _him_ what was up. 

"Tyler-"

"You damn nearly fell out of that tree. You almost missed the shot. You _also_ took it _way_ too early! I didn't stalk her for 3 days just for you to go against everything I told you."

"I've been in this business longer than you have-"

"You think that fucking matters?" Tyler gritted his teeth. His hands were balled into fists. Maybe this was the only way Josh could get anything out of him, if he pushed his buttons. "We _kill_ people for a living. Josh, this isn't some sick fucking nightmare. I don't know if you realized, but _you're_ the one pulling the trigger. I'm an accomplice. I know for damn sure you don't want to get caught and I sure as fuck-"

"What if I did?" Josh's voice grew soft. His face churned in distaste, not being able to look Tyler in the eyes.

"What?"

"What if I did want to get caught?" The overhead light in the car turned off. It was now dark, the only light illuminating them was on a building 3 plots down. 

"Josh, I couldn't let you do th-"

"No. I know. I vowed to protect you with my life but... Tyler..." Josh trailed off, inhaling a shaky breath. Tyler just looked at him with sad eyes. He didn't realize that, past him overcoming his feelings, his friend was hurting. Is hurting. He figured Josh was made of steel especially for being able to do this for over a year. He wasn't coded to be a killer, though. Unlike most criminals, he had a sense of remorse. The prize was money, not another soul to collect; and even Josh felt sick to his stomach every time another zero was added to his bank account. He tried to help himself by donating to charities anonymously, to hopefully make up for the sins he's committed. God couldn't forgive him now, he's convinced himself. Tyler waited for him to finish his thought.

"Ty, I'm so sick of this," A tear fell down his cheek. Tyler had a hard time containing his own emotions. Tears fell down his cheek, too. "I'm not a bad guy. I swear."

"I know you're not, Josh." Tyler put his hand on his friend's arm.

"I don't know how to escape. I want to escape. I want to get out of here. I don't want to rot in a jail cell for the rest of my life, but if it means not being Evan's puppet anymore... Then so be it." Josh wiped his nose with his sleeve. He felt as if his insides were shutting down, collapsing under the weight of his secrets. His chest was tight, as if his heart was being ripped apart. He wished he'd overdosed on heroin some odd months ago.

"Josh. Look at me. You're literally the strongest guy I know. You're not alone by any means in this. You have me, remember? I was _forced_ to be here. Evan was going to kill me. But you stopped him. I would've been dead if it weren't for you." Tyler was trying to find Josh's eyes, but underneath his own tears, he could barely hold a gaze. 

"It probably would've been better that way. I ruined your life, Tyler," Josh buried his head in his hands as his chest rose and fell with each sob. He felt like he was being choked. Tyler's heart broke at the sight; he couldn't help but wonder if this is how Josh felt seeing him tear himself apart the first couple of weeks. He wanted nothing more than to comfort his best friend. "I ruined your fucking life." He croaked.

Tyler might as well have been dead if the only person in his life that was keeping him afloat was wishing themselves death. Tyler rested his head on Josh's shoulder.  
"You did not ruin my life, Josh. I'm so glad I met you. Everything in our lives has led us to this moment. There's a reason that we're sitting here bawling our eyes out." Josh peeked a little smile from underneath his sadness.

"Can you play me your song?"

Tyler lifted his head back up and halted, unsure of what to do.

"That's- That's not my-"

"Cut the shit, Joseph. I know it's yours."

Tyler looked at him wide eyed until he decided to pull out his phone and play the shitty, grainy recording he uploaded. Everything in this song had reflected how Tyler felt since he found out Josh was a hitman. Josh wiped his eyes as he focused on the lyrics, helping him calm down.

"It's uh... It's called... Blasphemy..." Tyler stuttered. He was afraid his friend would think he was a shitty singer and an even shittier producer.

The song ended and Tyler was red in the face. He seemingly only looked up to Josh for approval these days.

"I love it. When did you decide to become a popstar?" Tyler chuckled.

"Since I realized how broken I was. For some reason, it's really helped. You should play drums on another track I'm working on." Josh just nodded and gave a pitiful half-smile.

"Let's go to bed, yeah?" Tyler asked.

"Wait," Josh put his hand on Tyler's shoulder as he was about to open the door and his heart fluttered. Tyler just stared at him. "What if we just like... left?" 

"Uh...Left?" Tyler furrowed his brows, only being able to express a look of odium. 

"We can be gone by tomorrow. We can sublet our rooms for a while, move to Nashville. I have a couple of friends down there. I also have some friends in California if Nashville is too close-"

"Are you hearing yourself?" Tyler interrupted. Obviously, Josh was a _fucking_ lunatic.

"Tyler, I'm being dead fucking serious." Josh was scornful. If this was two weeks ago, Tyler would've already been inside and packing his bags.

"School literally starts in a few weeks. Our roommates are moving in in _four_ days. What will happen if we're not there?"

"I told you, we'll sublet our rooms! Tyler, I know for a fact you don't want to be here either. I know that after not even a month, you're sick of this. Sick of being Evan and Harper's puppets, you're scared of dying, you're afraid something will happen to me, you're worried about getting caught. So let's just fucking leave this all behind. I'll call some apartment complexes in Nashville in the morning. Pack your bags."

Tyler stormed out of the car, leaving Josh behind. He knew deep down that Josh was right, and he was angry. Tyler obviously lacked the balls to be able to just pick his life up and move. They weren't even moving; they'd be escaping; they'd be refugees. Because currently, they were prisoners in their own city. They were slaves. Tyler knew himself: if he kept up with this job, he'd eventually die by a gunshot wound, and not from Evan, from himself. Tyler reached his room where he just stood in the middle of the carpet and screamed. He just... screamed. He let it out, for once, not in a pillow. Maybe if he screamed in a song it would get his point across more. Josh ran up behind him, startling his friend, and Tyler collapsed into his arms and cried. They fell to the floor where Josh held him, shushing him and running his fingers through his hair.

Tyler composed himself, but only for a moment. 

"Let's get the fuck out of here."


	13. War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And it's said that a war's lead but I forget that I let another day go by-

Josh paid a few of his buddies to pack him and Tyler's belongings, furniture and all, in a U-haul, due to the fact that they hit the road at 8 a.m. sharp. It was a six hour drive, and Josh hit up one of his friend's that lived in Nashville and they happily obliged to accommodate them for as long as they needed. However, they didn't need long because in the middle of the trip, Josh called Tyler to tell him they had an apartment viewing and could move in as early as two days from then. Tyler felt hopeful. His car was packed to the brim with old boxes he kept from when he first moved in, a playlist filled with 90's and 00's throwbacks he listened to in middle school. As they were about to cross the border into Tennessee, reality hit Tyler.

It all happened so fast. They spent all night, after agreeing they were really doing this at about 3 a.m., packing everything they had into a few boxes and suitcases and getting the fuck out. Tyler was sad to leave Ohio, though; he never thought he'd feel at home anywhere else. Columbus was his city, it was his place, he was proud of it and couldn't be happier that some sort of deity placed him there. It was all gone, now. Because of stupid Josh and stupid Evan and his stupid law firm. His law firm. How could he have forgotten? If he didn't show up, they would know something was going on. Tyler had been seemingly fine at work. He wasn't having breakdowns in the bathroom anymore. It was almost one and he hadn't called yet. His heart raced as he grabbed his phone and fumbled for the number, being sure to keep an eye on the road despite swerving a little.

His coworker picked up. "Hey, June. Sorry I didn't call earlier but I'm feeling under the weather again. I think I need a few days. Yeah, okay. See you then, bye." He hoped it would have given him a couple of days to figure something out. Radio silence, maybe? Should he fake his own death to Evan? Could Josh's buddies relay that they both killed themselves and the bodies weren't to be found? That sounded like a good idea.

An hour later, and they were at Josh's friend's house. Him and his wife welcomed them in with open arms, deciding to rest for an hour before they went to go check out the apartment. They couldn't tell Josh's friends why they suddenly decided to leave, so their excuse came out to be "We needed a change of pace." Tyler sat down at the kitchen table and opened his laptop, logging on to their school's website. His curser hovered over 'submit withdrawal'. For a moment, he thought about it. He thought about his life, how he didn't know what he wanted to do anyway. Maybe he could make this music thing take off. He worked hard in high school to get into a good college, but when he didn't get accepted, he got into community college and worked even harder. The universe wanted him to transfer to Josh's school. The universe wanted him to live with Josh. The universe wanted him to find out Josh was a murderer. This was all God's plan. The universe now wanted him to drop out of school. 

He officially dropped out of college. Josh stood over Tyler as he signed into his account on Tyler's laptop so he could do the same, except he didn't think much about it. He always wanted to be a drummer, also with no plan B. Josh looked at Tyler and pursed his lips before patting him on the back.

"Let's go check out that apartment." 

In the car, they didn't really feel like talking. Not only were they exhausted for the 6 hour drive from before, but Tyler felt a longing for something else. His heart ached for the city he left behind and his school and the friends he rarely saw. The apartment was nice, possibly nicer than the one they lived in back home. It had two floors, where Josh whispered to Tyler he claimed the upstairs again. Tyler just rolled his eyes. It was spacious with a lot of windows and a balcony that was clean, with a living room on the downstairs and a "tv area" in the upstairs. Josh silently agreed to get a projector for the upstairs so they could watch movies together, the downstairs would be for Tyler's video game addiction. The kitchen was big with marble countertops despite the only cooking that would happen would be heating up leftovers.

Within the hour, they signed their lease and were able to move in the next day. All they had to do was wait, and they could truly start over. When they got back, the U-haul was parked in front of their house, but Josh's buddies were gone. It didn't matter much, Josh had venmo'd them beforehand anyway. 

Josh suggested to Tyler that they go switch their phones. It was significantly hotter in Nashville than in Columbus, and Tyler just wanted to stay in the AC. It was for the best though, because even though he's never admitted it, Evan was probably tracking them one way or another. In the car on the way to switch both of their cell services and get new phones, Josh had a question.

"Did you make any calls since getting in the state?" Tyler halted. He called the law firm, which was probably the worst place to call. He couldn't let Josh know that he fucked up. Tyler's ears burned.

"No, just you when we got here." Josh nodded suspiciously.

***

They both drove their cars to the apartment complex where they got parking permits and apartment keys when Josh's friend drove the U-haul over. They hugged and said their goodbyes before Josh thanked them for being so warm and welcoming. After nearly 9 hours, everything was unpacked and it felt as close to home as it'll ever be. Josh's mood was contrast to Tyler's, where Tyler felt sad. He couldn't shake it, this bad feeling looming over him like a storm cloud. He couldn't help but think about the call he made to his old job. He was sitting on the new couch they had delivered and pondered his existence. He didn't quite feel alive anymore. He felt as though there was an invisible rope pulling him from room to room, like his brain was off but his body was on. He couldn't help but feel just... numb.

Josh plopped down next to him, taking in the surroundings. Their new apartment felt like it was fit for kings. Josh was giddy, excited for a new chapter to begin. He noticed his friend staring at the blank wall, lost in thought. They decided to put the TV upstairs and have a projector for the living room, the white wall was bigger and the windows were easier to block out during the day. "My old partners are going to make it look we died. At least to Evan and the skeleton, and of course your lawyers. I'm not saying you have to stop contacting your parents, I know you haven't talked to them in a while. Neither have I. We miss them. But, we just have to lay low for a bit-" Josh stopped, realizing Tyler probably wasn't even listening.

"What's on your mind? How we feelin?" Josh turned to face Tyler. Tyler shut his eyes, inhaling, exhaling, as if he were trying to fit his pieces back together in his brain.

"It's just.... weird. The other day we were in Columbus, finding out who our new roommates are. Now we're in a completely different city, an hour behind what we're used to. We escaped a literal mafia. Now our past lives are... dead? I don't know whether to be happy, or proud, or sad, I just kind of feel like... I'm existing."

"Sometimes that's all we can do. Now we can get normal jobs and not have to worry about Evan. Neither of us were that good at school anyway," But Josh did want a good job, he did want to graduate. He didn't know what to do with his life, but at least he'd have a college diploma. It was a feeling he wasn't proud of, dropping out, but between the two of them, he was the emotionally vested one. He had to show Tyler that they had to be strong and put on a brave face. That if Josh can be secure, so can Tyler. Josh put his hand on Tyler's shoulder and showed him a smile. "Plus that song you made? Make more, dude. You could do something with that." Tyler just nodded, taking a moment to collect his thoughts.

"Where's your drums? Let's track something." Josh's face instantly lit up. He loved playing the drums and never really got to do anything with it besides it being a hobby. Sure, he played a few songs with some guys he met Freshman year, but that fell apart quickly. Although Tyler was excited to be able to involve Josh in this thing he's been creating, it was only momentary happiness. It was a distraction from what their lives had truly become, and his happiness was fleeting with every minute. 

Tyler brought his keyboard, laptop and recording gear up to Josh's room, where he sat down on the floor and set it up next to Josh's drumset. It was nothing too major: a snare, kick drum, one cymbal and a hi-hat. They could make it work.

"This one I started, it's called Save. The lyrics are kinda deep, I'm kind of embarrassed but reminder that it's helped me cope-"

"Tyler, I'm not sure if you know this, but I struggled with that stuff too. Still am. According to your first song, I think this music could help the both of us; maybe even other people as a collective group."

Tyler smiled and nodded, returning to his laptop where he pulled up the recording software. Josh messed around with a couple beats until they found one that fit the dark mood of the song. Tyler hummed the lyrics he had yet to fully pull together as the synth he already recorded played, as well as a loop of a guitar he found. The beat worked, and they were one step closer. Tyler finished humming when he was writing on a notepad, switching lines and writing new words.

"Please. Just. SAVE-"

Tyler stopped, writing the lyrics. He almost forgot Josh was with him when he realized he was screaming. On the inside, he felt it helped him get his point across.

"I like that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Sounds punk. I dig it. Keep it, unless you don't think so-"

"No, it works, I think, if you think so..."

After mixing the drums in with the guitar loop and the piano he created, he pulled out his microphone, put on his headphones where the recording played loudly in his ears. They had a song within 10 minutes. They really could do this music thing. Their 'jam sessions' were actual jam sessions now. After listening to the final product, Tyler was critical of himself. He kept arranging notes and where the kick came in, but Josh had to convince him that he was fine and they could spend all night recording different songs. Josh knew that Tyler's happiness was fleeting, passing by like a moving train. He wanted his friend to be okay. Even if it meant momentary fulfillment.


	14. Afraid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I want to be afraid but it seems that these days I'm caught under water and I'm falling farther-
> 
> tw//suicide

Their first few days in the new apartment were pretty chill. They ended up tracking three more songs. Tyler was writing lyrics like a mad man, Josh commended his hard work and creativity. They no longer had to sleep in the same bed, but Tyler's night terrors still crept up. He had dreams of Evan slitting his throat, dumping his body in a river, or making Josh kill him. He'd wake up screaming. Josh had to come into his room numerous times to calm him down. Josh, one night, pulled Tyler out of bed and they sat in the living room at 5 a.m. and watched Ferris Bueller. Josh for some reason still expected to get a text about a job. However, they were dead to Evan. Josh's buddy contacted him via email on an Australian VPN admitting that Evan was actually flustered and upset that both Josh and Tyler had killed themselves. His buddy told Evan the scenario, that Josh sent him a note, saying something that the world wasn't fair and he couldn't be apart of it. Tyler got upset about his friend and didn't want to live in a world where he couldn't share these moments with his secret lover.

"Secret lover?" Josh read the email out loud, flabbergasted, where he sat down at a barstool.

"It's dramatic," Tyler was filling the brita in the kitchen sink. "Gives our suicides depth."

They weren't ready to get jobs yet, but Tyler had an interview with a local radio station the next day that he thought about skipping. He craved normalcy, and tracking songs that only him and Josh have heard seemed pretty far off. Josh told him they could burn a CD of their songs and give it to the radio station. _But it's local. What are they gonna do?_ Tyler would say. Josh would shrug. 

Tyler poured the filtered water into a glass, which he set in front of Josh, before filling a glass for himself. They might as well have been secret lovers, they were already so domestic. Josh thanked Tyler, grabbing the glass and setting it down on the coffee table. He plopped down on the couch, turning on the projector and the cable, where the news channel faded into view.

"Ugh, this oughta be good." Josh exclaimed, and Tyler chuckled. He sat next to Josh, leaning his head on his hand on the arm rest. 

"-Suspects, involved in as many as 30 murders. This is an ongoing investigation. We'll have more at 7. Back to you in the studio."

Tyler and Josh nearly choked. The reporter was stood in front of the house they were at not even a week ago. Apparently it was national news, since they were in Nashville and the scene was in Cincinnati. Josh grabbed the remote and muted it. Tyler's mouth was agape. They watched the news pretty frequently, even when they were back in Ohio, just in case something came up. The case would always go cold, but this time, they found something at the scene. Josh had mentioned about not being careful enough, about wanting to get caught. Tyler just thought he was bluffing. And, he seemed to be bluffing, due to the fact that he looked pale. Josh, in fact, thought he might vomit.

They looked at each other with wide eyes. Tyler was the first to break the silence.

"Josh, what did you do," He sounded exasperated, like he couldn't find the breath to speak, like he was talking just to breathe. Josh just shook his head slowly, not averting his gaze from the shock that was Tyler's expression. "Joshua..." Tyler's hand covered his own mouth, tears started to well.

"I- I don't know- I don't fucking know-" Josh was plagued with fear. He thought back. He didn't do anything different. He took the rope. He fanned the area. His associate took care of lint that caught onto the bark of the tree. And then it hit him.

"The bullet shell." Josh croaked. He always put them in his pocket when he was leaving and kept them in a secret box next to his drug paraphernalia box. 

"The... The what?" Tyler wiped a tear away.

"The- The- The bullet shell. Fuck. Usually, I'm on a roof, or on the ground, I'm not used to being in a fucking tree, man."

"How am I supposed to know about a fucking... Bullet shell?" Tyler stood up, looking down on his friend.

"Because that's what happens when you shoot a gun, Tyler! The shell of the bullet gets spit out of the chamber to make room for a new round!"

Tyler started pacing.

"Okay look," Josh started, nearly ripping his hair out. "We moved to a new city. As far as anyone knows, we killed ourselves in the middle of a forest or something. We got new phones and for fucks sake we used fake names in our apartment application." Tyler stopped.

"We what?" Tyler turned back around to face Josh. "That's illegal, dude!"

"Well you know what fucking else is illegal? Murder. And you've been an accomplice for like, what, 7 murders? I've killed like, 100 people by now! Maybe more! I don't think using a fake name on an _application_ is as fucking bad as _murder_ , Mr. Tyler R. Joseph." 

"Don't use my full fuckin' name, man." Tyler had to steady himself on the bar. He thought he was going to collapse. Even though, yeah, they did move to a new city and used _fake names_ on an application, they were still alive and thriving. 

"Just, lay low. I guess." Josh put his head in his hands. Tyler exhaled. He definitely was not going to show up to this job interview.

"How much money do we have left between us?"

"I think I have like a couple hundred thousand." Tyler nodded. He wasn't sure how much he had, but it wasn't a lot since he never got paid as much as Josh did and wasn't the best at saving money. Maybe, $40,000? That was more than enough to cover rent and utilities. Hopefully enough to relocate if they need to. Tyler's stomach churned at the thought of having to pack up everything and move again.

Just then, Josh's phone rang. It was from a number he didn't recognize. He hesitated on answering, but Tyler insisted he should, it could be his buddy that was helping them escape Evan for good.

"Hello?" Nothing. "Hello...?" Josh hung up, when his heart dropped. The call was only 12 seconds, and you needed to stay on the line for at least 20 for your call to be tracked. Tyler gestured for Josh to speak the hell up.

"It was just... silence."

Tyler stood in disbelief.

"No way Evan found your new phone. How is that possible?"

"The skeleton is pretty much a wizard, I dunno. We just need to... chill out."

"How the fuck can we be _chill_ when the MAFIA is tracking us? Also, not to mention, the police probably have our names by now!"

"Tyler, please! Freaking out won't help us! Cursing to the sky and wishing you were dead won't stop the police, it won't stop Evan. The world moves on. The universe doesn't stop for anyone, Ty. Not even bitches."

Tyler huffed and sat back down next to Josh in silence. Just when he figured things were going right, it took a hard left. The universe might not stop for anyone but it sure was stopping Tyler from living at least a normal life. He ran his fingers through his hair.

"Do you think, if the police were to come for us, knock on wood," Tyler leaned forward to knock three times on the coffee table. "That we wouldn't rot in jail for as long because Evan was the mastermind behind it all?" Josh opened his mouth to speak, but Tyler just cut him off. "Like you said, we're puppets. We're like Manson's followers. We have remorse, we feel bad. Because, we were forced into this. Maybe they'll be lenient."

"Ty, I wasn't forced. I chose to do this. I had to fill the needs of capitalism before morale," Josh leaned back into the sofa. "You wouldn't get much time. Maybe 5 years at the most, 20 possibly. I dunno, I'm not a lawyer. You know that stuff better than me. But, perhaps, you could live the life I always wanted. Start a band, make it big. I'll live through you, scrolling Twitter on my contraband phone to see all your fan accounts on how much they love you. You'll help people through your music, you could save lives." Tyler was nearly crying. 

"Don't talk like that. You're in my band. We're a band, I think we established that when you started tracking drums for me." Josh laughed half-heartedly. His face was filled with disdain. 

"You know it's true. Even if you don't care about making it big. I'd get life in prison. Solitary confinement, even. Damn my steady aim." He crossed his arms. Tyler stayed silent, watching his expression. "I'm grieving my future, Ty. My life ended as soon as I let my friends introduce me to Evan. It ended when I quit my jobs. It ended when started doing drugs. It ended when-" Tyler startled him as he cupped his cheek. 

"Don't. Talk like that." Tyler whispered. His voice was soft, albeit hurt. Josh closed his eyes, focusing on the touch of his friend. He put his hand over Tyler's, squeezing his fingers gently to let him know the message is relayed. Josh opened his eyes, only to find that Tyler was leaned forward, lips pressed against his. He didn't refuse, he didn't scream and yell like Tyler assumed he would. This felt natural to Tyler, like it was bound to happen. The universe wanted it to happen. Tyler smiled against him when he realized Josh was kissing him back. Moreover, stressful situations tend to bond people closer. It wasn't sexual, and Tyler wasn't even attracted to Josh; at least he didn't think so. It was just one friend showing appreciation for another; letting him know everything will be okay, even if he didn't know that himself. Tyler pulled away and caressed his arm.

"We'll win this."


	15. Empty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My heart's getting harder, I'm calling my father, am i screaming to an empty sky

Josh kept getting calls from an unknown number. They'd be pretty stupid to think he'd pick up after the first time, especially since they assumed it was the skeleton. They stayed pretty lowkey for the past two days after finding out about the news. They only ordered food from Doordash and told their delivery driver to leave it on the doormat. Tyler and Josh took no risks when it came to this sort of thing. For all they know, the skeleton could be hacked into their laptops. It was only a matter of time before the police showed up at their door; or even worse, Evan. Tyler didn't tell Josh, but he knew Evan must've known they lied about their deaths. Only people that were trying to escape the mafia would fake their deaths. 

Doors locked, windows locked; they ordered blackout curtains for every window they had in their apartment. They felt safe, even if a little bit on edge, but that was to be expected. 

They also never spoke of the kiss. They silently agreed it was for the best to not mention it. It was just a one time bro thing.

After the 14th call Josh received from an unknown number, he had enough. Him and Tyler were on the couch upstairs watching The Office, and they both understood that there was nothing to focus on besides their impending doom. It felt like they were playing a waiting game, sitting in agony not being able to do anything; they felt helpless. Josh desperately wanted to call his mom. But after Josh didn't answer the mysterious caller, he went to the bathroom and filled up the sink. Tyler's gaze followed him, not really knowing what he had in mind, but it couldn't be good. Tyler heard a loud _plop_ on the ground. The sound grabbed him out of whatever trance he was in and he stood to his feet without missing a beat. He peeked his head around the corner to find Josh dropping his phone on the linoleum floor over and over. Tyler walked up to the bathroom just as Josh let go of his phone into the water.

"Oops!" Josh giggled sarcastically.

"What the hell are you doing?" Tyler didn't know why he sounded so shocked, but he couldn't take his eyes away from Josh's broken phone.

"I don't need it anyways. Social media is a waste of time. Plus, I think we can both agree that the skeleton was tracking it anyway. I doubt they're tracking yours because you're so fragile. No offense."

"None taken."

"I'll give you my email log-in, that's how I've been keeping up with my buddy." Tyler nodded. They both stood under the fluorescent light in silence, watching air bubbles escape from the phone. One sigh after another and they retreated back to the couch to continue their mindless entertainment.

Tyler added Josh's email to his phone and didn't think twice about it. Come dinner time and they heated up leftover burritos, turning on the news to catch up on the ongoing investigation. So far, they had no suspects.

"Wait. A god damn minute," Josh nearly choked on his food as he inhaled, a thought not being able to wait for a burrito to be swallowed. Tyler was mid-bite as he just looked to Josh, almost wanting to roll his eyes at whatever anecdote he had to say now. "It's not us that they would catch, would it?"

"Whadaya mean?" Tyler's mouth full, he didn't really feel like chewing because Josh probably would've kept speaking anyway.

"The bullet shell. It's not like we were the ones who bought it," Tyler paused for a moment to rid the contents of his mouth into his stomach. He cocked his head and stared at the wall behind Josh. He let out a _hmph_. "They catch the perp by looking up the bullet, or the registration number for the bullet. And honestly, I'm not surprised they haven't caught Evan by now," Tyler just raised his eyebrows, taking another bite. "The bullet always stays in the body, right?"

Tyler nodded, but pursed his lips in thought. He swallowed again. "Oh, actually, this is gross, but your associate digs in the bullet wound and fishes it out. Evan told me." Josh's face was waved with disappointment. " _But_ , the bullet shell. Yeah, since you left it, and I don't know if your associate even thought about grabbing it since you always grab it, they could look up that, I think." Josh's face was a constant rollercoaster of emotion.

"So then it's not my fault. It's David's."

"I've never heard you say his name before. David. Huh. The associate. Okay." Josh took another bite before thinking again.

"Evan would go after David for fucking up. The police would go after Evan for buying the bullets."

"Evan is probably after us for escaping, though."

"Ty?"

"Hmm?"

"You're not fucking helping."

Tyler just hung his head as he finished his food, not looking Josh in the eyes. But, Josh did have a point. The police weren't after them; they would never find particles or DNA or lint or anything. Josh was covered head to toe. Tyler never left his car anyway, so he doesn't know why he was so scared of getting caught. Maybe he was scared for his friend. He honestly didn't know how he survived in this world for 20 years without him and the thought of Josh getting ripped away from him made his stomach churn. Tyler's thoughts were interrupted by a notification on his phone. Josh turned his head to look, too.

"It's an email from your friend."

Josh set his plate on the coffee table and turned to face Tyler. Tyler's eyes grew wide as he scanned the screen.

"He uh. He says that Evan knows we're alive. And that also, this is his last email," Tyler looked up to read Josh's expression. He seemed like he wanted to be a brick wall, but his eyes were getting glossy. "He says that Evan is in front of his house. Also, his grammar is not good, at all." Josh exhaled a shaky breath.

"Keep reading, man."

"Okay, okay." Tyler cleared his throat. "I am telling you this because Evan said he's going to find you. He says he can't leave any loose ends, and then goes on to say, 'Josh, you know the rules.' And that's pretty much it." Josh snatched the phone from Tyler's hand and read it for himself. Soft _fuck_ 's left Josh's lips. He put the phone into Tyler's lap and laid his head in his hands.

"We can't catch a break, can we, Ty?" He sounded exhausted. "We're done for. We are so fucked."

"We can keep running. We have enough money to move to fucking.... Like, fuckin' New Zealand." 

"And then what, Ty?" Josh lifted his head, his eyes visibly upset. They were bloodshot. Josh was tired. He was tired of running, he was tired of this life he chose, he was tired of being the bad guy. He felt an aching in his chest that only longed for making music with his friend and going to college. Tyler sat back into the couch.

"I don't know. I really don't know. Maybe we can just tell Evan that we just want normal lives. We've been trustworthy up until now. He's not capable of murder, remember?"

"His goons are, though. They killed James." Josh ran his fingers through his hair. "Evan wouldn't compensate. He just wouldn't. I've known him for too long." Tyler's heart started beating out of his chest. He thought Josh would protect him. These past couple of weeks, it felt turned around. Tyler was protecting Josh. Josh had no more fight left in him; he was done. Josh seemed ready to give up.

"Josh, we can't stop. There's nothing we can do about Evan but," Tyler hung his head. "But we can try to kill him." Josh perked up, surprised.

"You? Killing someone?" Josh let out a sarcastic howl. "For sure. Just let me know how that goes."

"Not me."

"I'm done with that life, you know that."

"Evan trusts you enough. You can get in and put up a fight. Evan wouldn't kill you. Not with his bare hands. I can get his 'goons'." 

Josh shook his head. "No, no. No. It's not possible." 

"But it's plausible."

Josh just stared at his friend, shocked at the gall he had. Tyler seemed eager to win, not ready to back down. Josh didn't know how to tell him that Evan was probably standing outside their door by now. Evan was just too much of a sly motherfucker, he was too agile, too quiet. He was sneaky like that. Tyler was so stubborn though.

"Whatever. Fine. Can I track more drums?" Tyler sighed at the sudden change in pace. He knew Josh wanted to get his mind off of things for once. He obliged, not ready to let this conversation go.

They found themselves in Josh's room in front of the drum set, where Tyler left his laptop. Tyler handed Josh his headphones, and Josh laid out a pretty gnarly beat to a song that didn't quite have a name yet.* Tyler closed his eyes, focusing on the rhythm, vibrations sending a current through his spine. He cursed the day this had to be taken away from him.

***

Tyler and Josh both retreated to their rooms at midnight. Tyler convinced Josh to wake up early to figure out a game plan; he suggested moving to New Zealand. He gushed to his friend about the architecture and how it's a safe country and that for any normal person it would be a pain to get there. Plus, Evan couldn't get them from a 17 hour plane ride. Josh eventually agreed, before waving Tyler off to bed. Josh settled soundly in his bed, cozy between the sheets, focusing on the 'sleep' playlist he put on. It was dark, especially with the blackout curtains, and he felt peaceful. Just drifting into sleep.

A blood curdling scream erupted in his ear from downstairs. A _JOSH_ yelled so loud that it nearly cracked the foundation in their building. Josh's heart almost stopped, not missing a beat to rip the covers off of him before the door was nearly ripped off it's hinge, making him stumble back. Josh's eyes started to well with tears. He was petrified as a shadowy figure tumbled into him, pressing his weight into Josh to fall back onto the bed. The cool metal from a blade pressed against his throat just enough to leave a mark.

"Hey, Josh. Long time no see. We need to talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *it's ode to sleep


	16. Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Empty sky, no way that's me cause one half of my heart is free-

Josh was sat on the couch, nearly shaking. Only this time, he wasn't with Tyler. They weren't watching The Office, or Ferris Bueller, or writing a song. Evan was sitting on the coffee table across from him, fumbling with his knife threateningly. As far as Josh knew, Tyler was gone. He was probably dead. Evan was silent. He's been silent for the past 10 minutes, since he threatened to kill Josh if he didn't be quiet. Evan drew blood, but not enough to go into a frenzy. Josh, physically, was fine. Emotionally, he was the biggest god damn mess.

"Where's Tyl-"

Evan cut him off by pointing the blade between his eyes. He poked him softly, pricking the skin, and Josh backed up. He shut his mouth.

"I'll tell you where Tyler is. He's on his way back to Columbus," Evan pulled the blade back and ran his index finger along the steel. Evan was truly the embodiment of evil. "You'll join him soon. But, like, I just want to talk to you, specifically, in this moment."

Tyler was probably out of Tennessee by now if Evan was telling the truth. The panic penetrated Josh's skin. This is the first time he's ever felt truly incapacitated by fear, like Tyler had been when he first learned about Josh's secret.

"How did you find us?" Josh spoke softly, trying to waiver his voice to not show how weak he truly was.

"When your little buddy called the law firm to say he was sick. The skeleton put a beautiful little tracker in his location services."

"But we got new phones."

"They transferred the SIM card, no?"

Josh swam in his thoughts, trying to process the past 48 hours. This didn't even seem real. He was silent for too long.

"So, Josh, I just wanna know why. You know the rules, what happens if you get away. I have the police on my trail, you know that right, no thanks to you."

"Anything I did wasn't me. David's the one supposed to clean up," Evan folded his arms across his chest and sat up straight. "And, I don't know. Tyler was so distraught. He's my best friend, and I wanted to live a normal life. I wanted to go to college, get a job. I wanted to die of old age." Josh's voice quivered as he reminisced on his hopes and dreams. He felt like he was at a parent-teacher conference, except he was the kid and he was in trouble with the principal. 

"Josh, you could've just told me. I trust you. Well, _trusted_. You were my right hand for a long time. I appreciate the work you did, the city appreciates the work you did. I can die happily knowing that my daughter was avenged. But, listen," Evan cleared his throat and hunched forward again, gaining leverage against Josh. "I thought of you like a son. It felt like you were supposed to be what my daughter couldn't. I would've let you go happily and freely whenever you wanted. My daughter's life was ripped away from her so young. She was 13. Thirteen, Josh," Evan's eyes started to gloss over. "Do you know how it feels to have someone so close to you be ripped away?" Josh thought about Tyler, how he was closer to him than his own brother. Josh pursed his lips and furrowed his brows, trying to not cry. "My daughter wanted to go to college, she wanted a good job. I saw herself in you." Josh inhaled, his chest ached and pooled with anxiety as he longed to be with Tyler again. A tear escaped his eye.

"You're a good guy. I believed in you. I didn't expect you to stay for as long as you did, but I'm glad you did."

Josh gave a pitiful half-smile. He knew he should've listened to Tyler when he said they should have just told Evan they wanted a normal life. Tyler always seemed to be right.

"I'm sorry, Evan. I really am. I know I should've came to you first. I just thought," Josh wiped his tears with his hand. "I thought that you know, once you left you had to die. I wasn't ready to die yet. I have so much life yet to live. Like, me and Tyler, we started this band thing. We almost have an entire album tracked. We were hoping that once it was done, we could, you know, book a gig somewhere or something. Tyler's a really good songwriter." Josh paused as Evan waited for him to finish. His eyes were glazed over like he didn't really care about their music thing.

"What's the band called?"

"Oh, I don't know. Tyler mentioned something, like, 'twenty one pilots'? He read it in a play for a class he had last semester."

"Interesting. But there's... only, two of you?" Josh sighed, but had to laugh. He's never thought of that before. If they did continue with this music thing, that was probably a question they'd better be ready to get asked a lot.

"So what's happening now?"

"I wanted to talk to you about the crime scene in Cincinnati. Why didn't you grab the shell?"

"Tyler suggested I go in a tree, that was the best angle for it I guess," Josh rubbed the back of his head. "You know, I'm not used to being in a tree." He laughed half-heartedly. 

"Well... It fucked up things for us, you know," Josh sat silent. "Harper almost had to shut this whole thing down. He suggested I go talk to you."

"How come he didn't talk to Tyler? Why did he scream so loud?"

"Tyler, Tyler, Tyler," Evan chuckled. "You know, for as much as you talk about him, you might as well be secret lovers," Josh thought back, Tyler mentioned the exact same thing. "Don't worry about him, he's fine. Just gave him some chloroform so he'll be rested for when he gets back home."

"Chloro-!" Josh started, but Evan fumbled with the knife again, and Josh sat back. "We- we're really good friends. Don't know what I'd do without him." Josh looked to the side.

"Well, you better figure it out."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Evan stood up and motioned to Josh, where one of Evan's goons appeared. Josh's eyes grew wide as he pulled out a washrag. He looked to Evan, who was looking away. The goon was going to knock him out. Josh stood and tried taking a step backward, but Evan pushed him down again. He struggled against the weight of the man with the rag, trying to breathe as much as he could while he still could without being drugged. Josh was strong, but this guy was stronger. Josh was no match, and to be honest, he was tired of fighting. He wanted to give up so badly. Alas, he promised Tyler he would protect him. He felt like a shitty friend for not really upholding his word, but if any time was to make up for it, it would be now. 

The rag was almost covering Josh's nose. Adrenaline coursed through his veins, knowing that if he were to inhale, even once, it would be over.

"Josh, please. Just let it happen." Evan cooed. He wasn't helping; it almost made Josh want to fight more.

Josh pulled his knee up, knocking the goon where it hurt. He stumbled just as Josh jumped up and fled for his life, practically flying down the stairs. Where he would go, he didn't know. He approached the door just as he heard a deafening ringing in his ears, a stinging intruding in his leg; a sudden burst of pain that felt like poison in his lungs. He fell over, hitting his head on the hardwood floor. Not only did he probably have a concussion now, but also a gunshot wound. He wasn't able to get up. His arms trembled as he tried to sit himself up, but the adrenaline was gone and all he had left were sore muscles. 

"Sorry, Josh. I didn't want to have to do that," Evan sounded a light year away. His vision was blurred, from the tears and the fear, and his goon lifted him up by the waist, throwing him over his shoulder. Evan handed the goon his rag back, where the goon placed it over his nose and mouth. Josh had to give up. "Back home we go." His voice was muffled as he started to drift off, and felt another pain as he was thrown into the back of a van.

Josh wasn't done fighting, but this was it. A tear escaped his eye as he blacked out. He knew this was it.


	17. Asleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Empty sky, no way that's me cause the other half of my heart's asleep.

Josh woke up feeling nauseous and dizzy. When the world came to, he groaned. He was still in the van. He was rendered useless with a bandage around his leg where the bullet entered, and he was handcuffed. He was simply in pain. Anxiety rose from his stomach as he stirred and the cuffs clanked against the metal of the vehicle. He heard a distant _shit_ come from the front. Evan opened the partition where he stuck his arm out, just in Josh's reach. He had a rag again.

"No, please, Evan, ple-" He begged. Another five minutes of misery before he was unconscious again, only this time, he couldn't run.

***

Josh felt himself being dragged along the floor and then drop. His arms were lifted above his head and situated in place in handcuffs again. Footsteps receded, a door closed, and he opened his eyes. The world was fuzzy and he was seeing dots. He closed his eyes again, trying to shake the nausea that remained in the pit of his stomach.

"Josh?" He heard a whisper. He could barely bare to open his eyes for fear of vomiting. "Josh, the feeling will pass. Please look at me," Josh opened his eyes to see Tyler handcuffed to a beam only a few feet from him. His eye was blackened and he had a bruise around his throat. Josh swallowed his fear. "Oh thank god." Tyler sighed.

"Ty? What happened?" Josh shifted in his handcuffs.

"They beat me in the van when I woke up. They knocked me unconscious, man." 

Josh frowned as he assessed his friend. He was visibly shaken and hurt, and he wanted nothing more than to go over and hold him.

"Do you know where we are?" Josh asked, hoping to gauge where in Columbus they were.

"Some warehouse, I think."

Josh took in his surroundings. It was dark minus a small overhead hanging light bulb on the other side of the room. It smelled like rust, mold, and more importantly, like someone had died here, and Josh was pretty sure there was dried blood on the wall. The walls were cement, the floor was cement. It was cold and damp. Josh shivered. It truly looked like they were in a serial killer's basement.

"Is that blood on your leg?" Josh almost completely forgot that he had been _shot_. He was too focused on Tyler and their impending doom to feel any pain. As soon as he moved his leg, he had to hide a yelp. In the van, his pant leg had been rolled up with a bandage. It was down now, and he wasn't too sure if there was anything still covering it, much less if the bullet had been taken out. 

"Evan shot me. I tried to escape from being knocked out. I don't know what I was thinking, that I would drive away and follow you or something? You were probably an hour ahead of me." 

"He _shot_ you?" Josh just nodded. Tyler's eyes looked sad; his face expressed nothing but concern. He couldn't help but want to console his friend. His chest ached for the both of them, locked up in most likely the middle of nowhere, getting prepped for whatever Evan had planned. Him and Josh had to lean on each other more than ever, now.

"We talked after they took you. Before he shot me. He said that you called the law firm when we got into Tennessee." Josh didn't sound mad, and he wasn't, but he had to confront Tyler. He didn't want to push him under the bus, but technically, it was his fault they were here. They could've been finishing their CD, booking their first gig, playing a show for the first time together. They found something they were both passionate about that wasn't murdering people, but it was all gone now, probably.

"Oh fuck. Josh, shit. I'm so sorry. I didn't think about it. Please don't hate me." Tyler hung his head and a tear escaped from his eye.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm not mad. I'm just telling you what Evan told me," Tyler sniffled and wiped his cheek with his shoulder. "He also said that if we wanted an out he would've given it to us. He said he saw his daughter in me, man. That made me feel like shit," Tyler furrowed his brows and shut his eyes, letting more tears escape. "This is my fault. I made us get out of Ohio. You were right, we should've just talked to him."

"We could play the blame game all day. But we're still gonna be stuck in here. This could be our last moments, Josh. Let's just appreciate each other for now, okay?" Tyler tried to give a half-smile, but it looked even more pitiful than when he was frowning. He was right. He was always right. It felt like their time was counting down even though they didn't know the end.

"Yeah."

They sat in silence for a moment, just taking in each other's presence. 

"Did he say anything else?" Tyler's words quivered in the air.

"Uh, not really. Basically that the police are after him." Tyler chuckled.

"Serves him right." Josh nodded and smiled. Humidity swam in the air and the back of Josh's neck was sweating. They both nearly jumped out of their skin as the door swung open, their heads turning. Josh's breath was shallow and his mouth was dry. He immediately looked back to Tyler who was biting his lip, probably trying to hold back any sound.

"Hey, boys," Evan came into the light, shutting the door behind him. Josh shifted in his handcuffs, the metal digging into his wrists. "I hate that you're here. I really do." Tyler looked to Josh for comfort, and for some reason, seeing him made him feel better. He felt like home in this hell pit they were thrown into. Josh gave a look to Tyler, silently telling him to stay quiet. Evan crouched down next to Tyler.

"Oh, Tyler. I knew you were fragile from the moment I met you," Evan ran his hand over Tyler's hair. He shrunk under his touch. Tyler was visibly petrified. "Don't worry. I do have to say though, you've been sneaky from the start. I knew you weren't to be trusted. You went through my file? You jump town to _Tennessee_? I killed James for you, and this is how I get repaid?"

"I told him to," Josh croaked, and Evan turned his head slowly to him. He swallowed. "To, to read your file." 

"Well isn't that nice. Not only did I take care of and pay one snake, but two." Evan clapped his hands, Tyler jumping at the sound; rubbing them together before standing up. "What's gonna happen now?" Evan was taunting them. As much as Josh tried not to show emotion, he was anxious, he wanted to cry, he wanted to scream. Evan knelt next to him and rolled up his pant leg. He ripped off the bandage. "I dressed your wound so nice and neat." Josh inhaled as he could only watch. It didn't matter how much he squirmed. Evan pushed his thumb into the bullet hole and a blood curdling scream escaped Josh's throat. Tyler flinched, his heart ached at the sight; Josh was writhing in pain and Evan was enjoying every moment of it. 

Evan pulled his finger out, covered in blood, and wiped it on Josh's shirt. He smiled and Josh shifted, tears falling from the corners of his eyes. Blood drained down Josh's calf and he started to feel woozy. The sight of blood always unnerved him, but he learned to look away or not pay attention when someone's brains had just been blown out; but right now, it was in front of his eyes, the feeling of it he couldn't escape. Evan stood back up. 

"Like I said, what's going to happen now?" He looked to the both of them, waiting for an answer. They were both still silent minus the groaning from Josh. "I want to let you go," Tyler perked up. "But," Tyler's head hung again. "I can't trust you. I'm trying everything in my power to throw the police off my trail because of your," Evan looked at Tyler. "Friend. Things are pretty fucked for us right now. And listen, I'm not a bad guy." _Fucking liar._ Josh thought. He scowled.

"For every action there's a consequence. If I let you go, you'll go to the police. But, if I let you go, you could also live the life my daughter couldn't have," Tyler looked to Josh again, who was calming down. "She was thirteen, Tyler, did you know that? I'm sure you did, considering you read my file. See, I'm kind of on the fence about what to do. Give me a moment to think about it." Evan started towards the door before stopping as he reached the handle, looking back to the two boys. "And try not to make too much noise." And with that, he exited the room.

Tyler let out a sigh of relief.

"Are you okay? I'm so sorry he did that." 

"I'm fine," Josh groaned. "Okay, I'm not going to lie, I'm fucking terrified. Evan is not a good guy. He's capable of so much more than shooting someone in the leg, Ty. I didn't know he was one for torture." Tyler bit his lip.

"There's gotta be something we can do, Josh. We can't let him win." Josh just pursed his lips and looked to the side.

"I hate to be so blunt, but I don't think we can do much like this."

Tyler looked around for anything and everything. Despite him not getting out much, he was still pretty resourceful. He thought he could pick the lock. 

"Your nose ring."

"What about it?"

Tyler smirked. "Can you get it out?" Josh immediately lifted his head up to his hands despite the aching in his leg. He was able to unscrew the ball at the end and take it out, being careful not to drop it. He bent the metal back, making it as straight as he could and put it in his mouth, sitting back down. Tyler kicked off his shoe as well as struggled to take off his sock with his other foot. 

"See if you can kick it to me somehow."

Josh spit the ring out next to his leg. He pulled his knee up and slid the ring over to Tyler with his foot as gentle as he could. Tyler spread his toes out and picked the ring up, looking to see Josh making a face of disgust. He disregarded the look, carefully lifting his leg up to his mouth. He was going for the same technique as Josh, albeit grosser. He placed the ring in his lips, trying to not move his tongue to taste the probable hepatitis that lingers on the floor. He lifted himself off the ground and perked his chin up to his hands. _yes, yes!_ he whispered. He felt the metal in between his finger tips, and lowered himself back to the ground. He fumbled his middle finger over the handcuffs, searching for the key hole. He found an indention, a hole, and silently cheered. He stuck the ring into the hole, twisting and turning for a moment before it unclasped. He pulled the cuff off of his left hand before lowering his arms slowly; they'd been above his head for a while and didn't want to pass out. The ring still in his hand, he got up and rushed to Josh, who was smiling and whispering _good job, I can't believe you actually did that._ Tyler touched Josh's cheek before fumbling with his cuffs and it unlocked as well. Josh lowered his arms and rubbed the mark the metal left on his skin. Tyler unclasped the cuffs that were left, and they were free. Immediately, they bounded into each other's arms, grabbing onto anything they could to prove they were both still alive.

The only problem was, Josh was injured and probably couldn't run as fast as Tyler. Also, Evan was on the other side of that door with who knows how many goons. They had to come up with a plan, and fast.

"Tyler, remember what I told you when you first found out?" Tyler shook his head, pulling away from Josh's clasp. "I said that I'd let them kill me before they got to you."

Tyler shook his head violently. "No, no. Josh, absolutely not. It's all or nothing." 

"I can't run, Tyler. I can barely move."

"You have to try. Please. You have to. I'm not getting out of here without you."

Josh placed the back of his hand on Tyler's cheek and frowned. His lip quivered as a tear fell from his eye.

"What can we do?" Tyler leaned into Josh's touch. His voice was soft.

"Slow and steady wins the race?"

Tyler raised his eyebrows. They were both pretty stealthy in their own ways, and if they were quiet enough, they could probably make it out. Tyler helped Josh up, who nearly fell over before Tyler caught him.

"I know it hurts Josh, but please get it together. You're so strong. You can do this."

Josh sighed and leaned against the wall, trying to focus on anything but the pain. He found that if he walked on his toe of the leg that was wounded, he could make it work. Josh nodded when he was ready. Tyler lead the way towards the door. He crouched down, and Josh did the same. He peeked through the keyhole in the door, he could barely see anything, but he could see only a few other guys sitting at a card table. The room was huge, it was definitely an old warehouse. As he looked longer, it was the warehouse Evan took him to when he trained him. Tyler pulled away from the door and looked to Josh.

"I've been here before," He shut his eyes, scanning through the memories in his brain and trying to remember where the door was. He envisioned the room and saw the exit. He opened his eyes to see Josh confused. "The door is on the other side. The guys are all at a card table. I didn't see Evan, though. It's risky, but we can make it work if we stay close to the wall." He thought about Spider-Man and how he had to be stealthy in the game. Even though that was a video game, he still had a good idea on how to make it out. If MJ could do it, so can he.

Tyler reached for the handle, twisting it slowly. The door didn't make a sound as he cracked it open, peeking his head out to survey his surroundings. It was clear, for the most part. There were wooden boxes everywhere, as well as fork lifts and old conveyor belts. Tyler opened the door some more, able to fit through just enough. Josh shut the door behind them, not even making a sound. Tyler congratulated him in his head. They've made it this far. What's a little more?

Tyler, still crouched, waddled behind the first wooden box in his sight. Josh followed slowly after, wincing in pain. Tyler motioned his head to the next box. Josh nodded. Josh peeked his head around to see a couple of guys standing on the opposite side of the room, and like Tyler said, more guys sitting at a card table. Evan was sat with them, facing away from the door, their exit. Tyler pushed his way to the next box, silent and effective. Josh was doing a good job keeping up. At this point, he was more focused on staying alive than the pain in his leg. He'd be able to go to a hospital once they were out of there.

As Tyler mentioned, slow and steady wins the race. The door was nearly in front of them now. Tyler was proud of Josh for sticking it out, he couldn't even imagine the pain Josh was in. But to Josh, his adrenaline was high and the pain was dissipating. Now, all they had to do was act hidden, because the guys at the card table were in the line of sight of the exit. Josh saw his associate on the other side of the warehouse. That was his friend, and although they hadn't talked in a little while, they were pretty close. He introduced him to Evan. Technically, this was all his fault, for allowing Josh into this life. Maybe-

Josh peeked his head from around the conveyor belt, hoping to get his friend's attention without alerting the other men. If this went right, his friend would be on his side, they always supported each other in times of need. Tyler looked wide eyed to Josh. Josh's friend looked over, and he was shocked. His friend looked to the room they were recently locked in, and back to Josh. Josh shook his head, motioning towards the exit. His friend nodded.

"Hey, guys? What does this mean?" His voice bounced off of the brick walls, and the men at the table looked over. A few of them stood up, despite some mumbling, and went over to look. Tyler and Josh found this as their way out. Tyler took Josh's hand and they crouched to the door, trying to open it as slowly and quietly as they could.

"HEY!"

"Go get them!" Evan's voice rumbled in the building.

Tyler didn't think twice before swinging it open instead and hauling ass out into the woods.

"Josh, come on!"

"It hurts, Ty!"

The men had started chasing them. Although a decent head start, they didn't have much time. They either needed to run faster or hide somewhere. Despite Josh's limping, he trucked on as fast as he could. Tyler never let go. The tree branches on the ground snapped under their weight, nearly tripping over roots and rocks. A gunshot rung in the air, and Tyler ducked before looking back to Josh who was still running. He assessed his body, felt no pain, and hoped for the best. They kept running. Running. Running.

"Ty!" Josh yelled as he was yanked away from his hand. Tyler stopped in his tracks. "Go, please!" Tyler held back tears as he shook his head. Another goon soon tackled his body weight onto Tyler, falling over, branches pricking his shoulder. Another one came up, holding a lantern, despite the sun coming up. The goons were holding them both steady, stronger than Tyler and Josh combined. They were facing each other. Josh was held under his armpits and behind his neck, Tyler was being held down on his knees, the goon pressing his weight onto the back of Tyler's calves, holding his arms behind him. The early dawn light radiated off of Evan. He was holding a pistol, the same one that Josh used against Evan when he threatened to kill him. 

"Well, now I have no choice." Evan's voice was thundering in the quiet of the forest. Tyler was shaking.

"Evan, please." Josh croaked. His chest raised and lowered as he still tried to catch his breath.

"There's nothing I hate more," Evan walked over to Tyler. He raised the gun to his head. Tyler couldn't help but let his emotions escape. He kept his eyes focused on Josh, although blurry from tears, pleading to him silently for help. Josh was frozen. His heart exploded in his ears, a ringing he couldn't help from deafening him. He writhed under the goon's grip, trying everything in his power to get Evan away. He wanted to kill him. He had a rage so powerful he could kill everyone here, but he was weak. He was too weak. "Than watching someone get ripped away from someone." Evan cocked the gun.

"Josh, I love you so much. Please, please," He didn't know what he was pleading for. For Evan to have mercy; he did love Josh, he had grown to be really close with his friend. He thought back to when they first moved in together, Josh was always so warm and welcoming. He introduced him to his friends and let him hang out with them before finding out they had a lot more in common than they thought. Their outlook on life, their shared taste in music, their approach on religion. They were a perfect fit for fighting in dark times. Tyler thought about his family, who he wished he visited more often. His little brothers would never see him again. His parents would have to find out about the path he went down, find his body in the middle of nowhere, hold a funeral. His chest ached for his mom. His beautiful mother. He wanted to go home, sleep in his childhood bed, play Mario Kart with his brother. He thought about how he got a scholarship for basketball but fucked it up due to his grades. He thought about the first girl he fell in love with but cheated on him. He thought about his old church, having a sudden longing to see his pastor. He prayed to a God he hadn't thought about in a while. He asked for forgiveness of his sins. He apologized for the people he's hurt, he apologized for not seeing his grandfather more, he apologized for not doing better in school. He apologized that his life turned out this way. But, this was the universe. The universe put him in this position. The universe made him fall in love with a boy he was in the mafia with, it made him fail his classes, it made him drop out of school, it made him move to Tennessee. He apologized for not being nicer to the Earth.

He never took his eyes off of Josh.

Josh watched as Evan pushed the head of the gun closer into Tyler's temple. Tyler was praying silently to himself. Evan looked sad, like he didn't actually want to do this. Josh couldn't move, he couldn't make a sound, he couldn't do anything but sit there on the forest floor, frozen in a grip too strong for him. He looked Tyler in the eyes, giving him a sad smile and whispered _I love you too._ This is not what he had planned.

Evan pulled the trigger, Tyler's brains splattered amongst the leaves and moss, his lifeless body fell out of a grip and onto the forest floor. The gunshot radiated throughout Josh's body.

This is not what he had planned.

Josh yelled out, tears falling down his face. His face was hot with anger, rage, sadness, despair. He watched his only true friend laying on the ground. He prayed for Tyler to sit up. He prayed for him to be okay. He knew he was gone. He wished that he wasn't.

Evan started to walk off and the goon released him.

"Wait!" Josh called out as everyone dispersed, running over to Tyler's body, his skin cold to the touch. Evan turned around, eyebrows raised. 

"Yes?"

"Where are you going?"

"Home. You should too." Josh rested his forehead on Tyler's chest, sobbing. He couldn't just leave him here.

"Please," Josh cried out. "Kill me too."

"I can't do that, Josh. Now you know what it feels like to have someone you love ripped away from you. Every action has a consequence. You should've never let me let Tyler join the team."

Josh raised his head, eyes bloodshot and red. He was pleading for Evan to kill him. Josh broke his promise in protecting Tyler, it was his fault he was dead. It was his fault he was here, in the middle of a forest, crying over his deceased friend. All or nothing, that's what Tyler said. All or nothing.

Josh jumped to his feet, rushing towards Evan. Evan backed up, eyes wide, but punched Josh in the gut as he got close, knocking him over. Josh grabbed Evan's hand, the one with the gun, and held it up to his head.

"Please. I promised him. I can't live with this."

Evan pulled his hand away.

"Live with it, Josh." Evan spat before walking away the way they came, leaving Josh on the ground. Josh's chest ached, his throat closing before he leaned over, grabbing leaves, grass, moss, whatever he could to hold onto the Earth. His head felt it were going to burst from the pressure his emotions conveyed. He crawled back to Tyler, gripping his T-shirt, staining it with tears. 

"I'm so sorry, Ty. I'm so sorry," He sobbed. He laid on his chest, wishing he could hear a heartbeat. It was silent. "I tried."

Josh wished he were dead. Everything in his life led up to this moment. This is not what he had planned.

On your knees, today is gone.

And tomorrow's sure to come.

Tomorrow's sure to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank u guys sm for reading, i can't wait to write the next :-) feel free to leave prompts!


	18. i need something to kill me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i need something to kill me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an epilogue.

The forest floor was burning holes into Josh's knees as he was keeled over Tyler's... lifeless body. Josh stayed silent, as quiet as the trees, the sky; not even the birds were chirping. After Evan disappeared, he heard no commotion coming from the warehouse. Vehicles had left, the guys were gone, and he was truly alone. Alone.

Josh had no more tears left in him. He was hours away from his apartment, maybe an hour away from his old apartment, that he was technically still paying for. He had to get back somehow. He had no phone, no car, no Tyler. He couldn't bring himself to lift his weight from his friend's body. He was cold, stiff, and not breathing. Josh was sure that rigor mortis had to be setting in soon, even though he had no concept of time. He only knows that he left Tennessee around 1 a.m., got to the warehouse maybe at 6 a.m. He wasn't even able to know when Tyler's time of death was. Maybe he died around 7 a..m.? The sun was coming up, and it was definitely beaming down on the trees above him now. Maybe it was nearly noon. He was laid on Tyler's chest for 4 hours. 

It was finally time to leave Tyler behind. He had to decide whether to pick him up and head to the warehouse or leave him on the ground, because it's technically a crime scene. The bugs, the maggots, they would get to Tyler before the paramedics could. Josh wanted Tyler to be preserved as best he could.

Josh stood to his feet, a pain in his leg shooting up his spine. He had to balance himself out before he could fall onto a tree. He stared down at Tyler. He never looked so peaceful, so pale, so dead. How crazy it is that he was alive and thriving just 12 hours ago. 

Josh pulled at the bark on the tree, a marker for his path, continuing down the way he came in. The trees started to disperse and the warehouse was in the distance, and he sure hoped the door was unlocked.

He limped slowly towards the rusty metal door which him and Tyler escaped from, holding his breath for what lies behind. He reached his hand for the handle, _click_ and the door opened. The squeak of the hinge echoed through the room. It was empty. He had no reason to fear Evan anymore. He was off the radar, Evan didn't care about him anymore. Somehow, this comforted Josh; although he had to live with the memory of his friend getting murdered in front of his eyes for the rest of his life. 

Josh wandered through the warehouse, a chill creeping up his spine as he dragged his feet towards the office, where they were tied up. The door was still ajar. The handcuffs were still strewn about on the ground, along with the nose ring that was beyond repair. Josh couldn't help but see a vision of Tyler sitting across from him, helpless but full of grit on the floor; the fear in his eyes as Evan punctured Josh's bullet wound. He flinched as remembered the pain of the finger digging around in the wound. Josh shook the memories from his brain to search through the drawers of the desk that was a few feet from where they were bounded. He didn't know what he was looking for; evidence, a phone, a map, maybe? Josh had to be quick about getting somewhere, anywhere, whether it be his apartment or the police station or a hospital. The third drawer he checked, Tyler's phone was there. Josh fumbled as he picked it up, a little too excited. He turned it on again. His heart thumped in his ears as the Apple logo appeared, and the lockscreen came up. _Don't put a password on, just in case._ Josh told Tyler. _What if I tell only you the code?_ Tyler suggested. Josh had shrugged. _I guess._ Josh thought hard about what the numbers were. "0719." Josh whispered to himself, the day they moved to Nashville. The homescreen came up. He looked through his contacts, deciding whether to call his mom or the police. Probably his mom first.

The phone rang for what seemed like hours. A distraught voice emitted on the other end.

"Hello? Tyler?" 

"Hi, uh, is this Mrs. Joseph?"

"Yes. Who's this?" She sounded sad that it wasn't her son calling. Josh was sad too that it wasn't Tyler.

"Hi, um, I'm Josh," He inhaled a shaky breath. He wasn't sure how to break the news. "Tyler's roommate."

"Oh, Josh! Where's Tyler? I haven't talked to him in a long time. Everything okay?"

Josh paused. No, nothing was okay. Everything was absolute and utter horse shit. Josh's throat closed as he pondered the words to say.

"Josh?"

"Yeah, I'm still here. I just, don't know what to say."

"What do you mean?"

A tear escaped Josh's eye. He could tell the woman on the line was scared, helpless. He didn't blame her.

"I was involved in the mafia, sort of. Tyler found out, and turned out he was working for my boss's bosses. Tyler got involved too. We had to escape my boss. You don't understand, our lives were at risk, Tyler was scared, I had to protect him-"

"Wait, what?"

Josh couldn't catch a breath. He was sobbing.

"We packed up and moved to Tennessee. We thought we could get away from Evan. He made us do horrible things. He's a terrible, evil person. You have to believe me, none of this was mine or Tyler's fault, I did everything I could to protect him."

"Where's Tyler?" Mrs. Joseph was on the verge of tears, too. Josh had just confessed to the first person that wasn't Tyler.

"Evan kidnapped us in Nashville. He took Tyler first and then shot me when I tried to go after him. He brought us back to Ohio, I don't know where, some warehouse in the middle of nowhere. We tried to escape, Tyler got us out of handcuffs, and we ran. We ran so fucking fast-" Josh choked on his tears reliving the memories that made him wish he were dead. Mrs. Joseph was silent, but Josh could hear the world crashing down around her. "Evan caught us in the woods. He held us down," Josh inhaled, lungs on fire. "And executed Tyler."

Josh heard sobbing on the other end. It was something she was anticipating to hear but wishing it wasn't reality.

"I know, Mrs. Joseph. We were really good friends. He died a few hours ago. He prayed before he was shot and I'm sure he was thinking of you." She couldn't speak. Josh couldn't believe the words he spoke, making it reality. Tyler was dead. Josh was cuddling with Tyler's deceased body for hours. He didn't want it to be real. It was a hard reality to see.

"My God," She finally croaked. She pulled herself together when she realized there was another boy in need of help. "Send me your location, if you can. I'll come get you."

"No, I mean, yes. I mean, we need someone to get Tyler's body. He's been in the forest. I didn't move him, because it's a crime scene. Evan has to get caught."

"Call the police, I'm already getting in the car." Josh heard rustling in the background, Tyler's dad was obviously confused. Tyler's mom told him to get in the car, she'd tell him on the way. They said goodbye and Josh dropped his location. He was just outside of Columbus and it was 11:30. He had nothing to do but wait. He couldn't let his thoughts consume him, though. Most of all, he had to get back to Nashville, where his journal was. He needed to burn it, he needed to burn Tyler's too. Josh had all the time in the world, although he felt he had a bomb attached to him.

He was sat on a crate outside the warehouse on the dirt road where he saw Tyler's mom and dad pull up. Tyler's mom was obviously in distress, tears staining her cheeks. She jumped out of the car, running towards Josh and embracing him in her arms. 

"I called the police a few minutes ago. Tyler's phone is almost dead."

"That's Tyler's?" His mom asked. Josh nodded.

"I had to get rid of mine in Tennessee."

"This is a hell of a situation," Tyler's dad mumbled.

"Where did it..." His mom asked. Josh pointed towards the trees. "He's still there?" Josh nodded again. Mrs. Joseph started towards the forest, where Josh and Tyler's dad both tried to stop her. 

"You go, I'll wait for the police." Mr. Joseph told Josh. He nodded and ran after Mrs. Joseph.

He caught up with her, but she obviously didn't know which way to go. Josh lead her in the direction, although he knew it was a bad idea.

The smell of decaying flesh instantly hit them like a bunch of bricks. Tyler's body was there, laying on the ground where Josh had left him. Mrs. Joseph instantly broke down into tears, kneeling next to her son. Josh kneeled next to her, putting a hand on her back as she cried. Josh was just in the same position as her, except for four hours about an hour ago.

They heard footsteps through the trees as Mrs. Joseph was praying, and it was the police. Josh had avoided them for a year, but he was finally ready to let go. His friend was dead because of him, and he had to crush his fears. He stood, facing one of the men, who immediately went for his gun. He instinctively put his hands up.

"Ma'am, please step away." She refused to let go. Josh felt her pain. One of the officers gripped her arms and pulled her away gently as she sobbed. The other officer pulled Josh aside, noticing him limping.

"What happened to your leg?"

"I was shot in the calf like, 12 hours ago." 

"And you didn't go to the hospital or call anyone?" He pulled out a notepad.

"I couldn't, the man who shot me and," He pointed to the corpse, "Tyler, kidnapped us. He kidnapped Tyler first, I tried to go after him and he shot me. Oh, and chloroformed me. And Tyler. Can't forget that part." He paused and bit his lip. "Evan Hall," he exhaled. "That's his name. He's done a lot of bad shit." He hung his head and stared at his feet.

"Would you be willing to give more of a statement down at the station?"

Josh held his breath for a moment.

"Could I... get my leg checked out?" The officer nodded as if he had already forgotten that important detail. "What's going to happen to Tyler?"

"My partner already called it in, the coroners are on their way to get him, do an autopsy, that sort of thing." He scribbled some more on the paper. Josh nodded.

"Would you rather the paramedics take you to the hospital or should she?" He pointed the pen towards Mrs. Joseph.

"I think they should."

The officer nodded. "Okay. I'm Lt. James, the dispatcher said your name was Josh?" Josh nodded.

"Dun."

"Done what?"

"My last name is Dun. D-u-n." The officer chuckled at his mistake, wrote it down, and placed the notepad back into his pocket.

"Hey, are the paramedics here yet?" He shouted towards his partner.

The other officer nodded, trying to console a broken Mrs. Joseph.

"Are you okay to walk?"

Josh nodded. "I think the shock has made it stop hurting so bad." 

The officer led him out of the forest where the ambulance was waiting next to three cop cars and a coroner's van. The coroners were headed into the forest. Josh secretly wished he could be there for the examination and removal, but his leg needed to be seen. The paramedics jumped out of the ambulance, opening the back of the van to a mobile hospital. They grabbed Josh and sat him down on the back where the paramedics lifted his pant leg. Josh flinched and hissed. It hurt worse when he thought about it. They got to work, cleaning the wound and patching it up to make sure it wasn't infected. They talked to the officer for a moment before deciding that Lt. James would follow him to the ER. They strapped him to the gurney and drove off.

***

The bullet was still in Josh's leg, and he needed surgery. It wasn't major, seeing as Josh was still able to walk. He was only numbed in the leg that was shot and he was completely conscious. He told the officer everything that happened sans being told to murder people, and thus started the hunt for Evan.

(1/2)


	19. i need something to kill me .2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am tired of taking my own life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// drugs, self harm, death
> 
> I listened to Overdose by Grandson pretty much on repeat while writing this. Highly suggest also giving it a listen while reading

Tyler's funeral was grim. 

It was exactly a week after Josh told the police. It wasn't a huge crowd, just a few childhood friends and his whole family. No one really spoke, silent at the gruesome view of death in front of them. Josh sat in a pew in the back away from everyone. The funeral home was small, dark, painted with stained glass windows. Tyler's dad spoke, his little sister did too. The pallbearers carried his casket, a glossy, dark mahogany finish with silver accents to the gravesite. The attendees followed them out and gathered around. Although it was August, there was a slight chill in the air coming from the clouded sky. His family put their hands on the casket before it was lowered. Josh stayed behind. Out of his peripheral, he noticed an older man with blonde hair. Evan. Josh kept his calm, without looking directly to the man that killed his best friend. Pulling out the phone he had to buy again, he texted the detective on the case. _Evan's at the cemetery._ He put his phone away, and Evan did not move.

It's likely that the murderer will stick around to watch his victim be buried. The detective texted back with a thumbs up emoji. He assumed they were on the way. Josh didn't know what to do, whether to go up to Evan and talk to him, wait for the cops to arrest him. He knew he wouldn't stay for much longer, at least long enough to get caught. Josh didn't take his eyes off of Tyler's casket. It was being lowered. Six feet under.

Josh silently wished that were him being lowered. It should have been him. He made a promise to Tyler that he did not keep. He wondered if Tyler was standing there behind him as a ghost, shaking his head, pouting. Or maybe Tyler was standing behind him, wanting to put a hand on Josh's shoulder, telling him that he forgives him. _I'm glad it wasn't you._ He'd probably say. They really would have died for each other. Tyler died so Josh didn't have to. The thought made Josh feel worse.

The casket was in the ground and his family threw the first fistfuls of dirt as well as a few flowers. Flowers to decay as fast as Tyler's body, only to be a skeleton in a few months time. He was just another pile of bones in the ground, with nothing but a name to let the bugs know who he was. The gravestone wasn't even there yet. Josh stayed back as the attendees walked back to the funeral home for the reception. They would get food, drinks, talk and laugh, forgetting they just watched a dead boy get buried. Josh watched the staff put the dirt back on top of the casket as more staff removed the chairs. Evan was still in his sight. He wouldn't move. Maybe he was hoping Josh would talk to him, beg him to kill him too. Evan probably didn't know he was getting arrested. He probably didn't know there was a case against him.

***

After Josh gave his statement and was released from the hospital, the police took Josh to his parent's house where his mom met him with open arms. She nearly knocked him off his crutches. He hadn't talked to her in months, much less seen her since Tyler moved in with him. She brought him in, where his siblings greeted him. She made him dinner. They watched a movie. He was silent the whole time until he revisited his childhood bedroom in the basement. His first drum set, posters on the wall, bed sheets how he left them. He didn't know if he would be okay alone in this room, silent. The TV drowned out the thoughts but he didn't sleep a wink as memories crept up on him, revisiting how unapologetic Evan was to kill Tyler. He didn't hesitate to shoot him in the head. He kept hearing his last words, seeing the tears in his eyes, knowing it would be his last breath. Every scare Tyler had before that moment didn't equate, not even close. When Evan was there to kill Tyler in the first place and Tyler hid under the bar; at least he was able to escape. Tyler couldn't this time. Josh thought about what he could've done to change the outcome. Maybe if they didn't move to Tennessee. Maybe if Josh didn't take that job that night. Maybe if Josh never met Evan in the first place.

Don't cry about what you cannot change.

His mom came downstairs in the morning to ask if he wanted breakfast. Josh wasn't that hungry, not after replaying every moment he had with Tyler in his head. Even the dead parts. He just wanted to get back to Nashville. After the funeral, his mom would say. Mrs. Joseph called Josh's mom to invite her and the family to Tyler's visitation. It would be in two days. The funeral was still being planned, but it would be in six days. Josh had to hole himself in his room. He wasn't sure if he was ready to see Tyler again. He was there before, during, and after his death. It was too real for him. His life would never be the same.

His mom took him to get a phone the next day. He imported everything from iCloud, seeing the pictures him and Tyler took together, the voice memos of Tyler's songs, it all haunted him. He couldn't bring himself to delete any of it.

**

The visitation was hard, more difficult than Josh expected it to be. He sat on a couch in the back of the room, looking everywhere but Tyler's formaldehyde body. There were pictures of him playing basketball, him and his siblings, him and his grandparents. Josh had to get out of there.

He excused himself from the room and walked outside. It was dark now, and Josh was itching for something else. The area they were in was pretty sketchy, but he walked further down the road nonetheless. He came across an alleyway, where he found himself hunched down on the ground trying to catch his breath. He was having a panic attack. 

Josh pulled out his phone and scrolled to a contact that was his old buddy, one that drove his stuff to Tennessee. He asked him to pick him up. He did.

They went back to his friend's place. It was a grimy apartment, smoke hung in the air and there were beer bottles everywhere. Josh didn't mind. He needed to feel something other than the numbness he felt. He needed to get the memories out of his head.

"I'll load a bowl. Want a hit?" His friend asked, grabbing a pipe. Josh just nodded in desperation, going to the cabinet where the liquor was. He grabbed the tequila and in one swift move, drank about 6 shots worth in one go. His friend was staring at him in admiration; Josh just looked back at him and smirked. It was nothing to be admired for. Josh was hurting, he was in pain, but he was refusing to recognize what he was feeling. Maybe he was suicidal. Maybe he was going insane.

"Have anything stronger?" Josh said before he took a long drag, weed implanted in his lungs. He didn't cough, he didn't choke. His friend got up from the couch and walked over to a drawer where he pulled out a baggie.

"You look like you could use some coke."

Josh didn't hesitate to draw out a line. He put the straw to his nose and sniffed the substance before laying back on the couch and exhaling. His head was to the sky, praying silently to Tyler to forgive him. His mind grew foggy and he felt numb. He wanted to throw up, he wanted to fall asleep, he wanted to fall and hit his head on the corner of the coffee table. It only took a line to realize he wasn't okay. He took another hit, and another, and another. He was almost numb. He wasn't in control of his body.

***

Josh looked back to Evan, where he caught his eye. Evan smirked. Josh's heart felt like it stopped. He had no other choice but to walk over and greet the man that ruined his life. His feet dragged along the muddy ground, body working before his brain. Evan stepped forward to meet Josh quicker.

"How's it going?" Evan looked into Josh's eyes, full of evil and hate. He knew exactly how it was going. Josh didn't say anything but huff in response. "Listen, sorry about your friend. I know you guys were close." With every word, Josh's face felt hotter. He couldn't wait to see him rot in a jail cell for the rest of his life.

"The silent are damned." Josh whispered. Tyler wasn't here to spit in his face, but Josh liked to think he was standing next to him, cursing him out. Evan just nodded. Out of the corner of Josh's eye, a black car pulled up in front of the funeral home. Evan's back was turned away from the parking lot, but Josh had to keep him here for as long as possible.

"Why are you here?" Josh asked, stalling.

"Same reason you are. To pay my respects."

Two detectives were walking up. Josh made sure not to lock eyes with them, but he nodded to let the cops know that was Evan. Evan thought he was nodding in response. They were within ear shot.

"But you killed him." Josh spat, loud enough for the men to hear. Their eyebrows raised. they didn't stop walking towards them.

"Maybe so. Doesn't mean I can't see my victim get buried."

Josh smirked. He just confessed in front of the cops.

One of the detectives grabbed his arm. He looked shocked as his head whipped around.

"Evan Hall, we have a warrant for your arrest for the murder of Tyler Joseph. You have the right to remain silent and refuse to answer questions. Anything you say may be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to consult an attorney before speaking to the police and to have an attorney present during questioning now or in the future." They walked him back to the car, and Josh stood there with a sense of pride. One more person out of his life for good, but this time, it really was good. 

***

Josh's buddy drove him back to Tennessee a day after the funeral. His apartment was how it was left; blood on the floor of the entryway, Tyler's room was a disheveled mess. He couldn't bring himself to walk into it. He couldn't live here anymore, constantly reminded of Tyler. His buddy wasn't going to stay in the room of a dead boy, so Josh paid for an AirBnB a few minutes down the road. He was left alone, but at least he was back home.

Josh walked up the stairs to his room and found his mystery box, where his journal lived. He walked it downstairs to his kitchen sink, grabbed a match from the drawer and held it to the pages. Every thought he's had for the past year was about to be ash, every confession he's made, his written memories, gone. He was jealous. Under the kitchen sink was lighter fluid. He drenched the journal. No regrets, he couldn't risk it. Every page was soaked, and soon the flames spread, consuming the paper. Josh stood back, the flames lighting up the dark room. He realized in that moment that no matter how much he started over, the memories remained. He would be haunted for the rest of his life. He grimaced at the thought of being 80 and still having nightmares about his friend when he was 21. He didn't even know if he saw himself at 80. Not even 30. Josh searched his jacket pocket and thumbed a cigarette. It was one he kept just in case, even though he had laid off of nicotine a few months ago. He lit the cigarette with the flame from the kitchen sink and took a long drag. He leaned against the bar behind him, eyes being burned by the blaze.

As he stared, he realized he should probably pack up Tyler's stuff at some point. He wasn't family, he wasn't going to let it sit for months on end, but it had already been over a week and the memories would kill him before his hands would.

He walked into the hallway that lead to Tyler's room. The darkness crept up his spine and for some reason, he felt like he could hear Tyler's songs ringing in his ears. Maybe Tyler was following him. Josh hoped. He walked in, turning on the bedside lamp. There were clothes on the floor, his laptop was still open on his bed. Josh puffed up his chest and walked to the drawer where he picked clothes out, dumping them on the floor. Donating this stuff would probably help him feel better, there were more people in need than his own need to want to not suffer anymore. 

At the bottom of the sock drawer, there was a small black box, almost like it held a necklace. Josh picked it up carefully with nimble fingers. He opened it, and there was no necklace. Just a few small baggies filed with white powder. Josh didn't think Tyler was the drug type, but everyone has secrets. He pocketed the baggies, along with a baggie of already grinded weed. He put the black box on top of the dresser and emptied out the rest of the drawer. At the bottom drawer there was a notebook. It was also his diary, with a few exceptions of songs. He ripped out the lyrics and pocketed it as well, before closing the journal and walking back to the kitchen. The blaze never got any higher but it smelled like fire now. He took out the battery in the fire alarm, letting it hang by the wires to make sure it wouldn't alert his neighbors. This is what he had planned. He threw Tyler's journal on top of his own to be consumed by fire before also drenching it with lighter fluid. He didn't look through it before, because even the dead needed their privacy. He placed the fluid under the sink in it's place and walked back into the living room, the only light coming from the kitchen sink.

Josh sat on the couch in silence, and all he wanted to do was sleep. After a six hour drive, he wanted nothing more. His eyes were shutting as he suddenly felt panicked. This hollow feeling in his chest wouldn't go away, and has been there since Tyler died. He wondered if he'd feel hollow until his inevitable death. An empty pit that was his stomach, an endless and vast void that was his blood. He had to make sure he was still alive for a moment. He pinched himself, only to be enamored by the sharp pain he felt momentarily. He fumbled with the baggies in his pocket, taking out the lyric pages and placing it on the coffee table. They were titled "Blasphemy", "Drown", and "Ode To Sleep". He finally gave it a name. Josh's fingers caressed the pages and his other hand grabbed the baggies out of his pocket and laid it in front of him. He dumped one of the contents, dipping his finger in the powder and putting it to his lips. It was sour, bitter, and was meant to be consumed through the nose. He got his credit card from his wallet and formed a line. Josh didn't hesitate to plug one side of his nose and inhale the line.

He didn't waste time to form another line and sniff. He couldn't have just one. He got the grinded weed, stumbled through the apartment to find a rillo or a pipe. He found a pipe and rushed back to the coffee table, loading the pipe and lighting it. He altered between the cigarette and the pipe, and he was truly at a new low. He set both down to empty out the next baggies. He had already snorted half a gram, maybe more. He didn't care. He was starting to feel something other than the numbing sickness in his stomach. He snorted another line, and another. He inhaled more smoke. 

He wasn't overdosing for his friend. But for the pain his friend caused, the pain Evan caused, the pain he inflicted upon other people. He laid back on the couch, staring at the ceiling fan. The room was spinning. Josh knew what he had done. He felt a warm, sticky substance creep from his nose. He raised his hand in front of his face, a foggy image that he wasn't sure was real. It felt like it took hours for him to wipe the blood, which ultimately he was only able to smear across his face. The apartment smelled like fire, albeit the blaze dying down. His ears were ringing, and his vision was starting to black. He tried to speak, speak into the universe that he was sorry. He could've sworn he saw Tyler in the corner of the room, staring at what was left of their journals. 

"Tyler?" He could only croak. His throat felt like it was closing. Tyler turned around and walked towards Josh. He looked so real, so vivid. Josh had to tell himself he was only hallucinating. It was just the drugs. For the moment though, he wanted to believe he was real. Tyler sat down next to Josh. The couch indented. Josh reached his hand up to Tyler's face. His eyes were hollow, dark. His face was cold. He was touching him. "Are you real?" Tyler shook his head. He put his hand on top of Josh's.

"Josh, I'm sorry. And I forgive you. There are so many things I wish I could say. But this isn't real. I'm with you, though." A tear escaped Josh's eye.

"I'm so sorry." He hung his head, a burning sensation creeping from his stomach and he couldn't help but cry. Tyler wrapped his arm around Josh's shoulder and held him as he cried. When he opened his eyes again, Tyler was gone. The fire was dead. The apartment was dark, and Josh felt emptier than he had before. His heartbeat was rapid and he felt he couldn't get a good breath.

"Josh, what did you do?" Tyler was back, but on the other side of the room. He was standing next to the stairs, leaned on the banister.

"I know what I did."

Tyler took a step forward. Josh was hyperventilating.

"You can't do this. Not again." Tyler stood in place in front of Josh.

"It's okay."

"Then say your prayers."

Josh silently prayed to himself. He accidentally kicked the coffee table as he laid back, but he didn't hear it. He snapped his fingers next to his ear. He was deaf. Maybe he was paralyzed. Maybe he was suicidal.

The vision of this man, broken, half-dead, laying on the couch that he shared an apartment with his dead friend. Blood was smeared across his face. His nose wouldn't stop bleeding. There was blood on his shirt, running down his neck, in his teeth. The last moment he laid back, he couldn't move. He was absolutely numb. He wasn't sure if he was having a heart attack or he was having a panic attack, but he never took his eyes off Tyler. He looked sad, like he was waiting for his friend to join him. Tyler wasn't real.

But he was there, and he was waiting.

"Don't close your eyes." Tyler sounded distant. Josh desperately wanted to close his eyes, to defy Tyler's orders. Tyler couldn't help him. He was dead, six feet under, six hours away. He wasn't a foot away from him.

Josh closed his eyes. The room stopped spinning and his heart was on fire. He felt he was laying there for hours. Hours before his heart stopped beating, before he couldn't take another breath.

Tyler laid next to him. 

"Goodnight."


End file.
